Ted thought this email I sent him was the funniest thig ever. (click to make bigger)
I re-read it and kinda liked it me-self.
Funny story from the Tedauren life.I have a fantastic husband.
Yesterday, he made us a picnic so he could eat lunch with me during my lunch break.
He made me a vegetarian sandwich (on magic bread!) because he knows that's my favorite.
And he drove 20 minutes so that we could sit together, in the shade in front of the building of which I work.
After we ate our sandwiches, we decided Golden Spoon was in order.
As we were eating our Golden Spoon Ted abruptly said,
"We need to get going."
I said, "Oh...do you need to be somewhere?"
"Yes. Anywhere but here. I just farted and it smells BAD."
"...good call."
Yesterday, he made us a picnic so he could eat lunch with me during my lunch break.
He made me a vegetarian sandwich (on magic bread!) because he knows that's my favorite.
And he drove 20 minutes so that we could sit together, in the shade in front of the building of which I work.
After we ate our sandwiches, we decided Golden Spoon was in order.
As we were eating our Golden Spoon Ted abruptly said,
"We need to get going."
I said, "Oh...do you need to be somewhere?"
"Yes. Anywhere but here. I just farted and it smells BAD."
"...good call."
---------------
PS...who is going to Twilight parties tonight?
PSS...yes. Anonymous commenting is gone for now.
60 awesomespice comments:
oh man, that is hilarious!
"That's what she said!"
Yar Gar Gar
I love your life.
I totally love your email...srsly the way to get a guy to *want* to do grocery shopping for you is definitely to make them laugh first so they do it with a big smile on their face :-). Good work my friend!
Your mom just farted.
No Twilight party tonight (sad, I know), but girlfriends will be at my house tomorrow night to watch and swoon. 6 foot tall cardboard movie Edward is coming. The hubby thinks we're crazy and is vacating the premises.
So I'm a new blogging friend! I came across your blog through one of my friends and thought I should comment! I wish I could just give my husband a grocery list like that and have him go, but he would probably forget half the stuff on it.
i can't believe how close i was to being first. and once again you made me laugh my head off. love love your email to ted. you are the bestest!
OMG! That was so funny! I'm new to this. I read your Twilight related blog but this is so funny. The thing about your husband farting sounds JUST like my fiance'. I'm glad we're not the only ones like that. I was worried. :) I love your blog!
My mom and dad were on a mission in France and they were touring the countryside (It totally t'o's me that older missionaries can do that). She said the toilets in some places were literally holes in the ground. She later heard of a contraption that women could use to pee standing up. She said she would totally buy it next time she decided to go on a long drive in Europe. I concur...you know...with her. (I couldn't resist the opportunity to rhyme).
P.S. Just read your comment about keeping this a family blog...bravo bee, bravo.
That is great blog material, I tell you what. Farts always make me laugh.
Love the grocery list, Awesome!! I like em firm too :0)
I am going to try to Twi-party it up tonight but our town only has one place doing it & they said they have nothing planned but for us to stand around for 2 hours waiting... hmmm. Idaho is lame. Please have a grand ol' time to report back on!
P.S. Good call on the No Annon. commenting so crazy McStalking you pants can't leave creepy comments again!
I'm new to your blog, it is hilarious! Especially loved the email to Ted. I'm also a Twilight fanatic, going to a release party tonight!
I think that if you're a girl and you pee standing up without dropping your drawers, that means you peed your pants. So I think the product is probably adult diapers.
Oh and at least Ted's nice enough to tell you to vacate the area when he drops the bomb because Hubs is soooo not that considerate. He likes to do it in the car when it's 2 degrees outside and too cold to roll the windows down. Then he laughs when I gag.
Ok...Sara wins in the hilarity department.
I think that if you're a girl and you pee standing up without dropping your drawers, that means you peed your pants. So I think the product is probably adult diapers.
=FOR THE WIN!
Hi Marlie and Jen! I love new friends!!
you are too funny!! but I love your grocery list! I have done something like that for Brint before. The worst thing though is that he has not let me live it down because I said a MAJOR "that's what she said" and didn't even catch it. I guess he should everyone at work and it is still funny to this day! haha.... Anyway I am so EXCITED for saturday!!! do you need me to bring anything?
I want to pee standing up! No lies. Can you imagine how convenient that would be, especially camping? No more going half mile away out of everyone's line of sight and popping a squat to do #1! Sign me up!
I was going to go to one of the Twilight parties down in Phoenix, but when I heard where the actual cast was going to be (NOT Phoenix) I decided to save myself a tank of gas since I live up north.
Hopefully the fart didn't follow you guys out the door, that has been known to happen. Not that I'm saying that from experience, I think I read it somewhere. ;-)
Maybe this time the magic bread will be with the frozen chicken breasts in the bag in the frozen section.
Alas, no twilight parties for me this evening. I'll be lucky to make it to the opening credits of the 10 o'clock news before Mr. Sandman knocks me out. (that made me sound a lot older than I am)
Lauren, your post always make my work day a little less suicidal! My husband is more like peter griffin as in he grabs me and says "learn to love it, that why we're here, learn to love it" haha
Tonight, I will be helping my friend make our "Twi-cake" for our party tomorrow. I will be getting up at the crack of dawn saturday to go rent the dvd (because my pre ordered dvd won't get here in the mail til' next week and theres no midnight release here in Nome.) and we are having our party early because we have district conference adult session tomorrow night. how do they expect me to pay attention in conference after getting all "hopped up" on Twilight!? =D
ps. that was a really long comment.
pss. i don't actually know you but I want to know you! is that creepy?
you are hilarious... well, and so is ted. i don't get a warning, i have to smell it and then leave.
So you totally do not know me, but I read your blog all the time. I found you from my cousins blog.. Mombabe. Well she is married to my cousin. You are stinking hilarious.. and I really need to come up with a shopping list like that when my husband comes back home!! Thanks!
Lauren,
The hubs and I will be hitting up Riverview Walmart.
You think I can convince him to sport his Edward gear again?!?!?!
yeah,right haha
Hi! New reader here. Found your Laurenbite blog thru a twilight website. That lead me here, but I'm reading both blogs. I won't be attending any Twilight parties :(
You'll be seeing a lot of comments from me....just a warning :)
I just went to Wal-Mart and they were having a Twilight costume party. I forgot about it. Hubs was wearing jeans and a black t-shirt with a gray jacket. I was wearing black pants, a white shirt and my gray peacoat (yay for peacoats! Only I was making it cool before Twilight was). We walked in and the greeter said, "Hey! Some vampires!" So I totally went along with it. He asked if I was Team Edward or Team Jacob. I said Edward of course. He gave me an awesome Team Edward button and I wore it around the store with pride. When I was leaving there were all these little tweens upset because they were out of TE buttons. I felt bad because I fake participated so I gave one of them my button. Now I am buttonless. :(
No Twilight party for me but I did hear if you go to Blockbuster and rent Twilight you get a free poster of Edward...I was driving and a bit distracted by rush hour traffic, but, yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what they said. And just so you know, your man is UBER considerate to give you warning to vacate. Mine, not so considerate.
Oh man! I never get a "We need to
get going" warning. It would be NICE.
It was announced that someone from the Twilight cast will be at the Wal-Mart In Riverton, UT tonight...about fifteen minutes from my house. Am I going? Naw! I need my sleep and could do without all of the screaming tweens! But if it turns out to be Mr. Pattinson I'll kick myself! You can kick me too!
Very cute and very polite of Ted to warn you that you needed to move. My hubby would just say "What???.....I can't smell anything??"
Oh....my....gosh!! My husband did that to me!! Well, he farted, then locked the windows, then blasted the heat. He's evil, I tell you. Evil. :p Oh, how I love that man!!
Not going to any Twilight parties...but my store (I work at Wal Mart-Signal Butte *shrugs*) is having a HUGE release party. Word had it one of the stunt doubles was supposed to come?? Not sure how true it is.
ha ha how funny how marriage makes you so comfortable! I love your blog!
Love the e-mail and I'm glad Ted warned you about his toxic gases.
I would love to go to the Wal-Mart in Riverton since it's about 25 minutes from my house but alas...I have a baby who is still nursing at night. *SIGH* Oh and I feel like I am going to fall over from tired-ness.
Hi, you are just hilarious. You always make me laugh. Have a good week-end.
Edward is loved by the girls in France too.
Hugs
So the newish movie..."Stil Waiting" (not a very good movie but...) there is a scene where 4 of the waiters walk by a mean customer and each fart in his general direction while he's eating...crop dusting...at least Ted didn't do that!
i agree with ted. you are flippin' hilarious. can you make ME grocery lists so that i can enjoy shopping more? i think i just might not mind going if i could giggle the whole time.
i love that Ted takes such good care of you... its so romantic. you two are adorable. and i love your life!
Best grocery list ever! Oh, and I too enjoy the Amy's brand veggie entree thing. That brand is super expensive but just too yummy to resist.
Ok, so 1st- how do you take a pic of your screen to show your email?
Your email = DORK! I love it!
Atleast Ted said y'all needed to move. Sei would have blamed it on me.
Ted doesn't have gmail? WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO?
You crack me up! Seriously. So whats up with this craft making twilight party tonight?
I am not going to a Twilight party.
Poor Kyle must hate me---he's never made me a picnic. You win.
My husband does the whole farting thing to but he has NO sense of smell so he doesn't know. Absolutely hilarious. Love the shopping list. And no, no Twilight party for me. We have the lamest Walmart and all they did was hand out the movies.
confession i haven't seen twilight yet! haha but I really want to from reading your blog it seems like the best movie I'll have to go and watch it! I shall report soon :)
Having a kid prevents me from being young and foolish and hanging out with a bunch of young skinny girls pining over Twilight at Borders or Walmart of Barnes and Noble. I would totally have gone if I lived in Arizona though! I would have the hub watch the kid and hung out probably with bags under my eyes!
Your list rocks!
I especially like the 100 avacodos.
I am still curious about this magic bread. If it is wheat please e-mail me what brand it is...
I have not been able to find a wheat bread that tastes good. :(
I'm glad you took off the Confessions post. I'm the one that posted that they made me sad.
43 comments before me?! You are famous- Miss Lauren.
Ted's warning is awesome. He should teach it to all species of the male gender.
Glad you turned of the anonymous comments. If they can't say stupid and mean things and get credit for it they shouldn't be a saying it.
Love your email. You are wise. I never did train my hubby to shop. He'd buy unhealthy stuff, so I just always did it. Ted rocks. But you already know that :)
totally lovely email, dearest :)
rusty and i were 3rd in line for the twilight dvd release.... they didnt even bring the boxes out until 12:01 and we were in line at 10... after we'd walked around the store since 9:30! they had a huge twilight cake... it wasnt impressive -- just said twilight in BABY BLUE -- there were definately over a hundred people in line... some were kinda scary. i was so afraid of being killed after i got the 3rd dvd that i didnt even get a piece of cake... and i dont even care. to top that off i had class at 8 this morning. yes. i didnt even watch the movie last night... but rusty did =)
k long comment sorry
now you probably wont even need to read my upcoming blog post =)
the email made me smile && why doesnt ted have gmail?!?!
ROTFLOL . . . I LOVED Ted's comment at Golden Spoon . . . too funny . . .
I hope that your Twilight Release Weekend was/is awesome! :) No party for me this weekend, but I DO have plans to have a Twilight-induced swoonfest next weekend with a friend I've not seen in AGES! HOORAY! :)
Have Twilight sitting here, but I haven't watched yet.
I'm coming over from Blog Stalkers Unite, asking for your help. I am in the running for a round trip airfare paid ticket to Connecticut, to meet a friend I became acquainted with through blogging. She is a super fun person and is holding this contest. I entered a funny story titled "Grapejuice Floaties, Now Marry Me." The person whose story receives the most votes will win a trip to meet this generous lady, whom I'm hoping to meet. The voting ends tonight I believe. I am ahead for now but there is a story coming up from behind out of nowhere and I would so, so, appreciate your help. Her blog is www.becausemomsaidso.blogspopt.com and the voting is on the sidebar on the right. "Grapejuice, Floaties" Just go there and cast a vote for me, please. Thanks so much-you're awesome! ♥
Hahaha. My husband always farts and runs (he did it to me this afternoon!), but I get him back. :)
There is a thing so girls can stand and wee. It's called a shewee. Google it. I've never used one, but it sounds handy (not sure about what to do with it after use, though?? Wash it? How do you dry it? Could be more trouble than it's worth).
Still can't get my husband on Gmail. Oh well. It just means I can hassle him when he complains about his email.
My son will only eat cheese, avocado and mayo sandwiches for lunch. Every day of the year! So, avos are always on our list, too. I like to go in every few days and buy one or two hard and let it ripen in the fruit bowl. That way I always have one ready and there are less bruises.
My favourite pizza of the mo'-chicken, basil and mozzarella, with avocado over the top just before serving. So simple, yet so tasty. Great as a calzone, too.
Oh! Now for the BIG NEWS! My husband read Twilight! He finished New Moon last night (after staying up until 2am the night before, reading it. He wanted to stay up through the night to finish it, but I told him to go to bed! He had to be up at 6am!) and he started Eclipse today! And he loves it! Now we can have all of these great discussions about it.... :)
Jamie (in Australia)
i feel sad that i can't leave you anonymous hate messages anymore.
i am kidding. i am your #3 featured this week as your 'bff on the internet' and i feel special
that story about ted farting is gross, but awesome
i wish you had texting so i could text you while in LA since i'm not on 'the net' or I wish you had wings so you could fly and hang out with. you could snuggle in the middle of the bed. i'd give you the edward cullen pillowcase
:) You are a darling. Anyone who would leave mean anonymous comments is a waste of breath... and whatever energy is expended while typing. Finger typing energy. That's what he/she is a waste of.
Anyway, you're so cute. You only deserve nice comments. :)
That was oh so romantic.
The end.
Your email is hilarious. The end end.
You were no one on my "people to visit list" And you just moved higher! How thats possible, Im still not even sure..but you did :)
Hey I found your blog from your guest post on my cousin-in-law MomBabe's blog. She's my husbands cousins wifey. Anyway I read your blog and it cracks me up. I don't care who you are, farts are funny. Just don't tell my kids.....
Aww, my sweet husband went to the grocery store for me last night. No magic bread, but he's so good at following a list. He did call about 3 times though - why is it so hard for boys to find things at the grocery store?
What is magic bread? I see that you have to be extremely specific with your grocery lists too, men are kind of bird-brains when it comes to grocery shopping.
LOL! My Fiancee meets me every Tuesday for lunch.. We always go to Wal-Mart afterwards.. This past Thursday while we were shopping he all of a sudden darted in the other direction and said we have to go now! I asked him why? And he said that if we didn't then I would die b/c his fart... Saved! Yes!
Hilarity!! Oh man, I can't remember the day my hubby started NOT warning me and crop-dusting me. He'll let me open my mouth, take a deep breath before starting a sentence, and then let me be punched in the face by his sick-nast (thanks) fart before he says "what? Does it smell? Yeeeeeeeeaaaaah, we should probably move... I wanna say it was the honeymoon or thereabouts when he stopped warning me :) sigh. So romantic.
But srsly thanks for adding your profile square to my measly squares of followers :)
what a sweetie ted is. he sounds like pablo. i send paul grocery lists all the time..but i usually just text them over to him and he has never complained once. and WHAT IS MAGIC BREAD?
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