my favorite post ever....

I wrote a post that turned out to be really successful on my Twilight blog, so I had to share with you. I kinda sorta am in love with it. Which is saying something, because I don't love many of my posts. This post isn't for just Twilight lovers...this is for EVERYONE. Please, enjoy...

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When I first read Twilight, I didn't have many friends that had read the story. Left without someone to talk at about Edward, I turned to the internets. I found a group on Facebook called, "Because of Twilight I have unrealistic expectations in men". I joined solely because it had the most members, and I figured it would have the most up-to-date information. My assumption was right. That group is awesome, and I am in no way surprised they won the Dazzle award for "Best Facebook Group".

Anyway, I am getting off topic. *Laurenhopsbackontotopic* I have seen many males complain about Twilight because women read the series, and then expect so much more from guys or their significant other. Now, this could be a bad thing, or this could be an amazing thing to happen to our generation. I am going to touch on both...

In an effort to keep it real around here, I think it is important to distinguish between what we can actually expect from normal guys, and what is just too fictional. For example...

UN-realistic Expectations:

(1) Don't expect your guy to sparkle in the sun. Seriously, unless you are wanting to add shimmer to him (which I hope you won't, because then we can't be friends) then please come to the realization that humans don't blind people with there super-sparkly-powers.

(2) Your boyfriend cannot run across a football field 5 times, gather you wildflowers and pick up Panda Express in the time it takes for you to say "shimmy-shimmy-cocoa-puff".
(3) Your boyfriend will not snuggle you in your bed every night being content with just hand holding and nothing else. Even the most virtuous of guys would be tempted. Ask your mama...she will confirm this. Actually...if your mama knew you wanted your boyfriend to snuggle you in your bed secretly every night, you might be grounded. Don't be grounded...then you can't read my blog. Just don't let your boyfriend in your room. kthanxbye.
(4) Normal guys will not rip off the heads of other sadistic vampires {Victoria}...and surely wouldn't be able to do it as seductively as Edward did. If I ever saw my Tedward bite someone's head off in the literally sense I would be all, "Duuuude..that is sicknast!" But, since Ted isn't a vampire, and I don't have a red-headed-she-devil running after me...I think I will be fine.


(5) Your significant other probably doesn't have a short-little-sister that can see the future and help you with stock market resulting in ginormous piles of Cullen-cash. Which, in turn allows him the liberty of buying you expensive cars, wings for the school that you are applying to, yada yada yada. Let's face it...your guy is probably buying you Wendy's on the weekends. But that aint no thang...try their Homestyle Crispy Chicken sandwich...it always leaves me satisfied {that's what she said}.


(6) Regular guys don't run in, save you from a run-away-car, smash their body into and inflict zero battle wounds to their beautiful bouffant of a hair-do. Because, we all know, not messing up the hair in a catestrophic event such as that, would be a rather unrealistic expectation.


(7) If you have a snake bite...your guy is not gonna suck it out for you. I mean, let's be serious. He would be like, "Giiiiiirl, you must be trippin'. I ain't suckin' out that crap for you." *runsaway!* and of course you would be like, *facepalm!*. But, in the unlikely event that he DID suck it out for you...heaven help us, that he doesn't look like Movie Edward did...because we all know Kstew wasn't crying over the bite.(8) Your boy, can not be a space heater for you. If he is running a 108 temperature, please don't make him snuggle you...take him to the dang Emergency Room and make sure your boyfriend doesn't die. That would be nice.


Realistic Expectations...



(1) If you dig a guy who is a musician...it is completely natural for you to expect him to serenade you with either a guitar...or in Bella's case, a piano. If your guy offers musical lessons of any sort, please have him call Tedward. His services would be greatly appreciated. Kthanxbye.


(2) Opening doors is always a must. Learn to expect it. I don't care if you don't need him to open it or not. Opening doors for a woman shows respect. It shows that he cares enough to go out of his way to open it for you. Plus, if he wears an outfit like this...you can smooch his face..you know, to show gratitude for opening the door...and stuff.You know, stuff that has nothing to do with how makey-outey he may look.

(3) Your guy should be more than willing to show you off. Putting his arm around you, or holding hands in public shows others that he loves to be seen with you. Plus...if your guy looks like Edward...umm, please show him off to girls like Jessica Stanley. "They see my boyfriend...They hatin'..."
(4) Expect him to take you on dates. None of this, "uhhh, wanna just sit and chillax with my buddies tonight?" because we all know that means you will be sitting on a stinky bean bag chair, as your boyfriend chomps on cheese puffs and plays Halo 3 with his buddies. Expect him to take you out every once in a while. Oh...and when he does...don't feel inferior next to the waitress. If she has bangs like the girl in Twilight, just "accidently" nudge her a bit...knowing the weight of those bad boys, she will be top heavy and fall down and THROUGH the floor. the end.


(5) Random acts of hotness should not only be expected...but should be graciously received. Every girl deserves to be swooned. For example....

(this one is for you, Lula!)

(this one is for me)

(this one is for everyone!)

(6) When your cold...your significant other should give you his coat. No doubt about it. We learned this from Edward in Twilight when they are eating at the italian restaurant. Now, I know you can't tell from this picture, but you will need to trust me, because I have seen this movie a billion times. This is the part where Edward-freakin-hottie-face gives Bella his jacket. I am so grateful he did...because then we got to look at him get soaked in the rain. the end.
(7) And last, but certainly not least...you can expect awesome kisses from your boyfriend. If they are anything less than "amazing" on the Edward Cullen scale of awesomeness, then...well, i give you permission to dismiss him.

I hope you use this post as a guide.

The end.

What are some realistic expectations we should expect from our guys?