can i just tell you, that the most cliche thing ever happened to me today?
seriously, i'm not just telling you a falsehood for kicks in giggles...
this is a real life, true story up in heeee-yuuh!
so this is how it went down...
i peed...
you know how it is.
and as i was washing my hands,
i was checkin' myself out in the mirror,
because let's face it, we all do it.
and i do it all the time...
mostly to check to see if the zit i picked in the A.M. grew back...
you know, to make a mental note of whether to pick it in the P.M. zit-pickin-session or not.
by the way..do you pick your face before you wash your face, or after?
anyway...what were we talking about?
oh yes...so as i was checkin' myself out,
my eyes lingered down to my super cute mocassin flats i just purchased...
when i saw toilet paper on the bottom of my shoe.
yes my friends...this is real life.
toy-let-pay-per
on.my.shoe.
stuck there.
i tried to kick it off and it wouldn't come off.
srsly.lamespice.gay.to.the.max.gayspice.
i said, "fur realz?"
yes. i talk to inanimate objects.
yes. i just used the word "inanimate"
yes. i read books. that's why i am a fake smart person.
anyway...so i was pissed.
because i was compelled to be so.
the toilet made me.
i had not a choice.
how ironic to be pissed when you are in the bathroom after peeing.
oh irony...how i love thou.
with all of this "i had not a choice" and "how i love thou"...let us gather together and hold hands...
and reflect on how we don't miss reading poetry from AP English class...
oh...so you want to know how i got it off?
yah...so i picked it up.
with my fingers.
the same ones i used when i picked the glasses up out of the toilet bowl.
it's a hard life.
want to know what else is hard?
wearing one of these bad boys...
yep. my mom is a trekkie.which, by law means that it is ok to inflict emotional trekkie pain on a child of their loins.
want to know what else is painful?
this post.
{the end}
73 awesomespice comments:
FIRST! Hooray for Twitter!
i don't think it's that painful.... except that trekkie pic.. ugh.. you know how i feel about that
i meant to say that painful
Bekah..but look how darling I look.
I think I would have been tempted to get a fresh piece of TP to use to pick off the original piece. Either way, though... ewww.
Know what ?? The same thing happened to me at prom. No kidding. Fortunately, a girl told me before I left the bathroom :)
So, I totally understand. And sympathize ^^
You look lovely in that picture! sucks about the TP, can't say I've ever been there. I pick before I wash my face wheww glad to get that off my chest.
That outfit is smokin'.
And as far as the toilet paper goes...it reminded me of someones twitter status I saw a while back:
Woke up to cat peeing on me. Sean, 10 minutes later: "how do you feel?" Me: "Pissed off." Sean: "Actually, pissed ON."
Aw Lauren bad times! Noone deserves to get toilet paper stuck to their shoes, but I do love you outfit!
pick after wash. and then wash again. usually that's the way it goes anyway.
and my old roommate is in his mid-twenties and wear a trekkies outfit on the norm. i think it's even his myspace default picture. with him photoshopped onto that ship thing.
oh lord.
your blog rules my life.
<3
Love the trek outfit! Also, I am sorry about the TP incadent. But...it would have been much worse if you had not noticed it and gone into the hall with it still stuck to your shoe. :(
I think you should see if that costume still fits.
You are funny!
ewe...I would have used a paper towel to pull it off...just in case there was something on the paper!
This post is anything but painful. Completely delightful in fact.
Thanks for the laugh. And the picture. I mean really.
Did your mom make those costumes with her grubby little hands?
Those Star Trek uniforms are awesome. I would love to inflict such pain on my children, AND my nieces and nephews.
Lucky for them I don't have access to Star Trek uniforms or to a pattern for one. So they have been Star Wars Characters instead...and Mario and Luigi.
I think someone should develop a toilet emergency kit for your purse. Extra long, and yet disposable tweezers you can use to fish things out of the toilet, or to get TP off of your foot.
haha I love the pic. soo cute!! and love your funny stories!
There was a lady at the airport one time who had a seat cover tucked into the back of her pants. I wanted to tell her but she was too far ahead of us in line. When she finally realized it she just threw it on the ground! And then some random guy picked it up and threw it away. I would have told her but I would have NEVER picked it up. So ya that's my story!
I hate it when that happens! (The toilet paper and trekkie outfit) :) I agree to wash, pick, then wash again, unfortunately I have contemplated the same question while at the mirror.
awww poor lauren. you always have horrible encounters with the bathroom. At least you weren't wearing your ugly i-don't-feel-like-getting-dressed-today-shoes. Because then you wouldn't have looked down and you would have walked out of the bathroom with the tp intact. that would be a sad day. i pick after I wash.... in case you were wondering...
I have an OCD bathroom process. I use the bottom of my shirt to open the door to get in one.
Once in the closed stall, I always tear off the first piece of toliet paper and throw it in the toliet (the person used it last I'm sure had pee hands or worse touching it)
I proceed to do the "hover pee".
Wipe then flush with my foot.
Wash my hands, then use my elbow to make the paper towels come out.
Throw in the trash, then open the door with my shirt again to get out.
Girl, I could've nevaa took that paper mess off my shoe with mah hand. nuh uh. LOL
Cute trekkie outfits. My brother was a huge fan.
Ew, good thing you caught on before stepping out. That would've been so embarrassing! So many things can go wrong in the bathroom everyone seriously needs to check themselves before leaving. Ok, I hate zits, why, after popping them, do they often make their comeback and sometimes twice as big? I sometimes forget to keep track on them and don't realize it until I get home. Oh and I deal with them after I wash my face then use rubbing alcohol to dry it out. I feel like when I do it before washing that it that the gross stuff could spread to the rest of my face when I'm rinsing (before using face wash) Yep! :)
check out my blog for a very cute giveaway! :)
Pick then wash...zits are evil.
OK, but here's the deal...
Regardless of your hatred, I am SO IN LOVE WITH YOUR PARENTAL UNIT RIGHT NOW.
You know this picture made my life. Like...MADE my life.
I will now fly out to visit you and the fam on May 8. They'll know why.
Lauren-I read your blog almost daily-I don't know you and you certainly don't know me..but anyhoo today I was out and about and I stepped in gum in a parking lot and it WOULDN'T come off! It was gross and I tried everything to get it off too...now I have rocks stuck to the bottom of my very new sandals!!!
Ha ha ha hah HA! HA ha!
Oh, I love your posts.. almost as much as I love your star treck outfit!
I'm jealous of your hair. Also... The toilet paper thing? I just find it weird. No, not your reaction to it. Just... The idea of toilet paper getting stuck on a shoe. It's strange.
And I am soo tired after tonight so I don't think this comment makes any sense.
Fail.
I think you look adorable in your Trekkie costume.
Sorry about the toilet paper thing. :(
The comment from Kurt was actually from me. I was using another browser to look at your blog and apparently it automatically signs him in from his old blog he had for school. I still can't read your blog with the browser I use. I guess I will just have to look at it through the other browser and then comment from the browser I usually use.
I may live 1,000 years and never see anything as spectacular as that photo.
Sorry about the TP. That's one of my life's biggest fears.
I like the word 'prose'. For example, The Road was excellent prose
Whew! Good thing you looked down. Now just hope you don't ever walk out of the bathroom with your skirt tucked into the back of your pantyhose. Trust me, no hole opens up to swallow you as you die of embarrassement.
The order is pick first, then wash. Then lament the fact that I have pimples AND wrinkles.
Oh, and your mom is AWESOME with her costume making skills.
hahaha Toilet paper on the foot! That is the worst! At least you caught it before you went out in public because THAT would have been extrememly painful!
i love irony, too. psssshh, it is so the awesomest. also, i love that you talk to inanimate objects (i also use the word inanimate...and talk to inanimate objects.) because it is the best way to be annoyed and not take it out on someone. mmmm.
hey so i love your new layout! it is so cute! but how do you change the fonts to whatever you want up on your blog title? i've been trying to figure that out for MONTHS... no lie.
and the toy-let-pay-per story is too much... so i won't go there.
but you were so adorable in that lil' outfit, Lar Lar! :) i love you! *oh, come read my blog. i TOTALLY blogged... it was astonishing*
I'm not a trekkie but you and Ty make it seem cool
Lol! I hope you 'Live long and prosper'. Seriously. Or if I'm speaking 'Lauren' then, srsly.
Jill above ^ is my OCD bathroom twin! Seriously cool!!
Yep.. I would have used a towel or TP to pull it off. I know I can wash my hands.. But it's the germaphobe in me that screams yuck in any bathroom. :)
Your Mom's sewing skills are UH-MAZING! She's a trekkie? Who knew?
Love ya! Happy Weekend!
BTW: HOT new banner and background!
this post it hilarious. i think i laughed at the picture alone for a good ten mins. ps i'm loving the new background! cute!
love love love! the new design on your blog! isn't that scrapbook paper? the background? it looks familiar to me for some reason. like basic gray....i could just be crazy though :)
Also, HOW CUTE were you in your Star Trek uniform lol ?!?!? Were you Dr. Crusher?
I am very entertained by this post because you are brilliant. Just think if you weren't dressed up as a trekkie you may have not turned out to be so brilliantness.
I hate it when glasses fall into the toilet though.
Oh I can't believe you are married to baby Teddie. I guess he does look kind of Brimleyish. Whitney just told me what your last name was because yes we were talking about one of your funny posts @ our dinner table. It all makes sense now.
I was hoping for a picture of the "super cute mocassin flats" that you just bought!
i want to see these super cute moccasin flats!! And you are the cutest trekkie ever!
When ever I feel a little crazed, I check out your blog and I serously laugh my butt off.
You are so cute...trekkie outfit and all!!!
Hi....I'm new here! I think that everyone is missing the big picture here. At least you did not have the horrific TP encounter WHILE wearing the snazzy star trek get-up. Although, that may have taken the entire thing to the next level and then the TP Would not have even mattered! Luv your blog-
Im sorry but I think you look absolutely adorable in your trekkie outfit!! Look at Ty! I love it. Although your face in the picture just screams how much you hate your mom for making you be a trekkie. Sorry about the toilet paper. Sometimes I wish I were a fly on the wall where you are just so I can see your "adventures" first hand.
The trekkie pic is adorable
I know we just met but i think I luv u - or we were seperated at birth I'm not sure...
um, you are pretty much hilar.
{i think that picture made my day.}
thanks for stoppin' by my bloggy.
Loving the picture!!! Ha HA.. I feel bad for you!
T.P. on the shoe is one thing, but just wait until your nursing pad falls out (in the hall at church) and you HAVE to pick it up (cuz you can't leave it there!. Not that I'm speaking from personal experience or anything.....
You really were a cute little trekkie offspring!
Whoa... your background looks like material I just purchased for a sundress for scarlet!
cute picture!
Lol This blog was amazing, so funny. I'm sorry you had to wear that costume...
SO glad Im not the only whos gotten TP stuck to my foot. only I had it on both feet. [seriously] and at work. :| I can still hear co-workers laughing in my nightmares...
and the trekkie suits are painful...but cute! so its ALMOST ok.
Xk
ok jill, i do sort of the same routine. i open the door first of all with my hand, knowing i'm going to wash them, then i get in the stall withought touching anything else, tear off the first piece of toilet paper, hover over to pee and if i know no one is in the bathroom, sometimes i'll just pull my pants up with my fingers that didn't touch the toilet paper, and i won't button my pants, (because that takes all of both hands) and i wash my hands. then button pants, and after drying my hands, i use that same paper towel to open the door, and then chuck the paper towel to the garbage..a lot of the time i don't make it.. but i can't go back in, or i'll have to touch the handle.. (i'm giving janitors a job)
I'm so glad I am not alone in my "bathroom weirdness" LOL
I thought of ya'll today when I was in the bathroom at Border's today. (geez that sounds so bad LOL)
But yeah, for the first time in like ever..since I've been going to Border's, the bathroom was sooo nasty. So I was even more careful with my bathroom OCD ritual.
To my horror tho, when I did the elbow papertowel maneuver, it was broken! ugh.
(I double checked my shoes for TP also ;) )
**hugs to my bathroom OCD twins!!**
Once at church when I was about 9, I was just about to walk out of the bathroom door when a sweet lady said "Oh honey your skirt is tucked in your tights." Then she pulled my dress out of my tights. I was so embrarrassed, but very thankful she told me that before I walked back to sacrament.
By the way, that picture of you in the Star Trek outfit is hillarious! I showed my dad and he laughed.
But you still look cute. I didn't mean to sound like it looked funny because you looked funny, just the outfits. =)
OMG! Love the Trek suit. I am showing my boyfriend : ) He loves Star Trek.
Sorry bout the tp ; )
Loving your new template Lauren, there's an award waiting for you on my blog!
Well, if you are going to be a trekkie, be on the medical staff. The guys in red on the away team always die. Med treks rarely die.
~* Happy Easter to everyone!!! *~
My dad was a trekkie so I feel your pain. Although I never had an outfit, thank gosh. Btw, very cute header and layout!
ps happy easter!
i LOVE LOVE LOVE this pictures! please blow it up to poster size and send it to me.
That picture is so classic. Did Ted tell you we used to watch Next Generation as a family on Sunday nights when I was in high school and he was like 6?
See, now we all know there is a reason you must check yourself out in the mirror before you leave the bathroom...to make sure embarassing wads of t.p. don't follow us out the door! :)
So my husband thought I was a crazy person sitting there with these random bursts of laughter but that's what happens when I read your blog posts. HAHA And I like to think your mom was just in the Advanced class of Future Blackmail. :)
I love love love the trekkie outfit, I love love your mom for putting young Lauren in it. I want some for my kids.
Post a Comment