There are few things Ted and I disagree on...
However, we do disagree on a few things:
1. Laundry Baskets vs. Hampers {I call them hampers...I think. We have disagreed on the proper name for so long, I can't remember which one I originally called it.}
2. Serranos being the best mexi-food vs. Filibertos being the best mexi-food {ahem...Serranos, please}
and finally...
3. Teaching our kids about sex vs. Letting them learn in sex ed.
Dude. Do you remember sex ed?
It was the worst.
Thankfully, I was taught everything by my precious mom PRIOR to hearing it from the awkward school nurse.
Ted was taught at school....everything.
Ted thinks that is the only way to go.
Lauren thinks the "sex talk" should be learned in the home, at the appropriate age...followed swiftly by a trip to get ice cream, because let's face it....kids never wanted to know that's where they came from.
And that's how it will be done in casa de busy bee :)
So, what do you think?
Should kids learn about sex at home, from a parent or guardian?
Should they learn from the school nurse?
Should it be taught at all, at school?
Spill it...
132 awesomespice comments:
Definitely at home. I learned it at school, and was scared as hell! I'm gonna do WHAT every month?!?!?!?! Thanks Mom, I appreciate the early notice. Geez!
Love BOTH your blogs by the way!
whoa second!
anyway, our school didn't have sex ed so we pretty much had to learn at home. which was fine by me but idk how i'm gonna tell my kids? i guess sex ed is fine for schools to have, it guarantees at least the kids will know cause there isn't 100% sureness parents will tell kids, like in carrie when she didn't know what her monthlies were and she thought she was dying when it happened, which is never good.
Definitely at home and before they learn it at school. Learning everything at school would be traumatizing. Thankfully my Mom gave me the 411 beforehand.
ooooo LOVE this one!
Ok. While I automatically think "AT HOME!" I have to say that it really depends on the child. Some boys, LIKE Ted, may only have needed those facts and were able to move on from it. However, I remember my brother's receiving several "talks" as circumstances required. I had THEE talk with my parents when I was very young {due to a witnessed "situation"} and received refresher courses at the appropriate ages. Not only did it teach me to trust my parents and that I could talk with them about things, but it made me feel comfortable about "IT"... hmmm, maybe too comfortable :)
PS. DEFINITELY Serranos!!!
At home.
p.s. you need to add a poll to your side bar or to your debate entries. It's too hard to see what the results are without proper numerical statistics.
At home for sure. But remember, if you wait too long they will go, "Eww! I already know about that Mom!"
I can't believe I am so near the top. I am glad I am because usually I read other comments and are swayed from writing my original opinion.
so here I go...
I personally am going to make sure that my kids get the sex talk at home. My parents gave me the sex talk....and we both felt awkward...but it was better than some strange lady or in front of a class! I know some schools are trying to teach kids as young as kindergarten about sex and I highly disagree with that. I mean really....what 5 year old needs to understand that?!?
Sex education should take place in the home and should be the responsibility of the parents. In my own opinion the school system is set up in a way where parents hardly have any responsibility at all and I don't think that is right. Parents need to be responsible for certain things in their parents education. Things like Sex ed, manners, and hygiene should not be the responsibility of the school.
I agree with you Lauren....Sex talk with mom...or dad...and then one good trip to Bahama Bucks (sorry I don't go for ice cream)
I never learned at school, and I was way too embarrassed to let my mom even think about talking to me about it. Even right before I got married I was like, mom, are you seriously trying to talk to me about this? I was sheltered. BUT I took anatomy and physiology in high school and college and I learned PLENTY.
I think that parents should definitely teach their children most of the basics, but the rest of it can be super awkward to talk to your kids about. I think they should change the way they approach sex ed at schools so that it's completely un-awkward for kids to learn about it in a school setting.
but ya, I don't know. Since I kinda figured it all out on my own, I don't really know the best way. I turned out fine though! haha :)
I definitely think you should teach them at home. I believe it is primarily the parents job to teach their children, and with matters such as this you will probably also want to instill whatever morals you value or see as important. Who knows what they will teach them at school?!
I know for me, it was as you said, the worst.
So my mom didn't tell me early enough, I learned most of it from my friends anyway. If schools do teach it they are starting even earlier then we remember because kids start so young.
So if you are going to teach your kids at home (which I think is the best way so they are not misinformed) you really have to do it at the right time.
Did you ever see Definitely Maybe? Remember the part when all the kids were freaking out about where babies come from?? Yeah, no joke.
I think at home! DEF! Because, a parent should be in control about how they want to explain it to their chitlens, not the school. Nuff said. BUT you have to wait when the kid is ready. My mom told me when i was 8. I guess she thought i was ready, well i went and told all my little friends the next day all about it. hmmm...
At home first takes my vote!
Thanks to Mom and the book "Dear God it's me Margaret" I was able to come to terms with the uncomfortable transformation of puberty, which included the sex talk.
Let's face it, the first sex ed in class has everyone squirmy and cracking jokes about the ladies "flower" - so kids dont really pay enough attention or get all the facts straightened out in their noggin.
I mean at that age, they're still scribbling PEN15 on each others hands...
Regardless of where you guys choose to discuss sex ed first with the wee ones, at home or in school, I think it's the combo that's important.
oh and ps
I've always called them hampers
and hello. serranos is sick! filabertos is the only way to go!!
home!
I'm totally with you on this Lauren. My mama waited until the fateful letter came home from school saying "we're going to give sex-ed" then she signed it saying that it was okay for my middle school to tell me things, but the weekend before we had a "girls day" and my mama told me everything I really needed to know and I'm pretty sure we got ice cream afterwards too.
Only hearing about sex from my school I feel like would be SUPER awkward. And yes, it's awkward when you're like 11 and your mama sits you down to tell you "this is this and that is that" but in the long run, way less awkward then hearing from a stranger.
I think starting the education at home sets up a healthy relationship between the child/parent. Hopefully the talk is significant enough for the child that they are comfortable asking their parent any question involving sex/sexuality.
That being said, DUH, it can be awkward for a child. Thus I think having the general "talk" at home, with a supplementary education at school (involving anatomy, physiology, etc) seems like the best way to go.
I think the worst thing to do EVER is sweep it under the rug and let the school decide exactly what your child needs to hear. Sex involves more than just science. It involves values, morals, standards, blah blah blah, thus a parent should at least be able to give their own insight into the subject.
I feel the important priorities are that 1. The child should be confident with their education 2. They shouldn't be lied to and 3. They should feel at least somewhat able to trust their parents regarding sexual issues/questions.
I will want to talk, give support, and be realistic with my kids bc this is a real world srsly... Most parents avoid the talk and are later on shocked when they find out their child is having sex (Tyra show). Anyways, talk and ice cream. :)!
xoxo
Liz
Talk should come from home. I remember in 9th grade in Health class they did on class about stuff, but seriously by then you've already heard about it on the school bus. At least I had. My mom never really had the talk with me and by the time she knew that I knew, I'd just ask questions to embaress her because I was that kind of kid. Really, I would rather hear about it from my parents than the health teacher.
I do not think sex ed should be taught in school. Especially the version you learn in high school health class, I mean what ever happened to abstinence??
Ditto to Shayla, ditto to Abbey.
Home, Of coarse in the 7th grade talk in PE at Kino i was a little more enlightened...and it was weird. My mom and dad only taught me the really technical stuff. And then when I got to high school I was able to enlighten my mom on stuff, yes I know very wierd, but my mom is super super super nieve
At home!!! They should teach it at school too for the parents that are incompetent at doing it at home. (no smack at Ted's parents, Tyler's parents did the same thing).
Now watch me step on some toes!
I do believe that at school they should teach birth control too, and not your we will only teach abstinence crap. Seriously. I know i'm lds and that's what we believe and that's what I followed. But the kids that don't get any guidance at home (a whole loot of them) need to know the importance of protecting themselves, and HOW to use said protection. It's sad that peeps have sex before they're married, but it happens way more often that not. so we need to help them out. clearly the abstinence only talk is not working.
I think it should be taught at home. My kiddos are in a private school and the school does not teach it anyway. They feel that it is the parent's job.
I had the talk with my 10 year old daughter last year when the boys were out of town. Really just some basic information (that she thought was really disgusting!) But now, when she reads something or hears about something beyond the basics, we have that foundation established and she knows she can ask me.
Both. I think it's fine for schools to teach the anatomy/mechanics/health class aspects of sex--and most do. However, I think kids need to hear about sex at home from their parents as well. Home is where they'll learn about their family's attitudes towards sex, the moral component, the emotional aspect. I think it's best if these things come from mom and dad. Kids will form their own opinions as they gather knowledge; why not influence it in the way you hope they'll go? Also, sad to say, but I think kids need sex education much earlier than when we were kiddos--they're being confronted with sex much sooner and should be equipped to respond in a safe (and hopefully moral)way. Info obviously has to be age appropriate, but I think sex ed should be an ongoing conversation rather than a one time uncomfortable birds and bees talk. I think the more willing you are to be open with your kids (teens especially) the more likely they are to consult you for advice before doing anything you hope they wouldn't do...and the more comfortable they'll be with themselves and their knowledge when the time comes for committed relationships and marriage.
My parent didnt tell me ANYTHING at all... Im glad they didn't, I don't really remember learning about it until like 9th grade and my health teacher was really vague... they didn't explain much. Im sort of embarassed to say it but I was like 19 before I really fully understood sex haha... and that was only because my best friend got married and told me everything our parents never told us...
Im for teaching them at home... Im sort of glad I didn't know what I know now... it kept me innocent and pure... the downside to that is the dirty boys always go after my type to corrupt them... good thing my mom did teach me that teenage boys are scum and never to be taken advantage of plus all those episodes of oprah I watched in high school about self defense helped!
I had the talk with mine at home. My oldest knows EVERYTHING, where as the middle one knows some of it and I will add to it as she grows, "refreshers as appropriate". I could not sit her down at 3 and tell her EXACTLY how her brother got in my tummy!
I found early on with my oldest that kids really do say the darndest things and if you aren't careful they'll say it to YOUR kids. By the time she was in 3rd..yes 3rd grade some kid had given her version to the kids . So we had to have the conversation to clear up all the nonsense. Kids hear stuff younger and younger these days and as a parent you need to make sure they are hearing the correct info from you...but please be sure they aren't running mini-tutorials on the playground!!!
I agree with Thais...I have told my oldest (and will tell my youngest) about saving herself for marriage...however I am not naive to believe that she will actually follow that lesson. I will teach them all their options and the importance of protecting themselves. Babies really aren't the worst thing that can happen.
p.s. my talk in the sixth grade was traumatizing! I still remember my teacher telling us all to get a mirror and look at our beautiful woman parts.
WHAT. THE. FREAK. SRSLY!
Ditto to Jennifer's comment. I agree with her opinion. I'm just to lazy to type it all out. ;)
our bishop just talked about this to the parents, he said the parents need to explain it. I agree 100 percent and I am def. going to follow that counsel because school will teach you about the danger and diseases you can get which is important too, but parents need to teach why we have sex (multiply and replenish the earth) and WHEN we have sex (married). so anyways thats what I think.
I definitely think it's something that should be learned from the parents. Now, maybe guys are given a different take on things than "us girls," but I think I would rather have my sons learn it from my husband than from a teacher. Not to mention the fact that if there are questions that arise, they might be more prone to ask their parent one-on-one than if they are in a room full of their peers.
I got my period before we had the school "sex ed" discussion, so thankfully I was not completely freaked out by that (the school one, i mean).
Now that I'm older and wiser, I wish there had been more open communication between my mom and me. I remember one day my mom gave me a huge red book and told me to read it. I still can't bring myself to even open it.
So, in conclusion... talking at home= good. Letting kids somehow learn on their own ==> awkwardness until... well, I don't know when that ends, I'll let you know if it ever does :)
Home, definitely.
I got "the talk" when I was about 7. Don't worry, it was a dumbed-down version; "When a mummy and a daddy love each other very much they like to be as close to each other as possible" . . . blah blah.
I got the 'body changes' one at 10, again at home.
Sex ed at school was awwwwwwful.
We had it in grade 6 and then pretty much every year of high school. Blegh.
Hmmm interesting topic Lauren!
I think having a sex education program at school is important, but I personally prefered learning the deets at home and intend to do the same with my kids. But I sometimes wonder if it isn't different for boys and girls. I mean, I still had to learn certain things at school but I much prefered being counseled by my mother not only about sex but other, um, girly issues and it lightened the blow a little. But I wonder if it's the same for boys...I'll never know!
Now I'm going to have to read over your comments and see what others think. You've got some top-notch followers on your blog and I'm interested in their opinion.
We've done it 50/50 here. I have to say that our school's sex ed program is really excellent and parent approved. So, we have filled in the blanks and questions with our moral values along with top notch info that the school gave. I'd lean towards home for that info if our schools program wasn't really well thought out and handled with tact.
Wow, Ted learned at school?! I remember having "the talk" with mom when I was 8 and then having mom come with me to the "maturation" program in 5th grade. Ugh. My kids are going to learn from me.
Hampers.
Serranos is yucky - so Fili's. But really Tia Rosa's or Mi Amigo's is yummy.
Boys at sex ed. Girls by their mom.
I'm back. I want to change my answer.
No, not the one about the sex talk, the one about best mexi-food in Mesa.
Serranos for their chips and salsa, which is saying a lot, because I'm like a connoisseur of salsa... but ever since reading this I am craving a carne asada burrito from Filibertos!!! Call me crazy, but YUM.
1. LAUNDRY BASKET Hamper sounds like something you put a diaper in, not clothes you're going to re-wear...
2. East Coast: Never heard of either, sorry!
3. At home, please. There is more about sex to teach than just the mechanics.
Two opinions:
1. Sex should be taught at home. It is sacred. It is a sacrament - and should be taught right along with other gospel princapals. I would not leave somthing that sacred to the schools.
2. Serronos is the best. Just a little fact-o to throw Teddy's way. My brother -in-law was a resturant inspector in Mesa. Filbertos was shut down at least every two months. For what? Mice poop in the food. Not kidding. As well as over extending the law on the amount of roach parts you can legally have on your prep counters. More Authentic? Yes. Way TO authentic? yes.
Oh, Emily beat me to it. I was going to say "I would wager that Ted's sisters had a different experience with being taught about sex at home."
Forgot.....
Either basket or hamper...both work.
Serranos.
Eh, I don't care either way. I sat through ed for bed- and I MIGHT have heard a few things from my mom... it just came naturally though... there was never any "planned discussion".
I never had a sit down discussion...but little things were brought up here and there in my home so I new enough from my parents without it being awkward. Then I learned all the awkward stuff at school. which is how i preferred it. I would not have wanted to talk to my parents about it. weird.
Sex talk at home. My mom sorta skirted around the issue and it has always made talking about sex really weird with her, when HELLO, talking about that stuff should be easiest with your momma. So home is my vote. & always ice cream. always!
This is a very sensitive topic. I personally believe that sex is a beautiful sacred thing that a mother should share with her daughter and a son with his father. Sex is a sensitive subject and it's much easier to ask questions and not feel like a total idiot. My sex-ed teacher was soo awkward. Pretty much she taught me about abusive boyfriends. I was scared outta my mind and i also wanted to die. I was taught about periods in third grade and i was totally grossed out. I came home and totally bawled my eyes out. HOME ALL THE WAY!! (sorry ted)
Hahaha. I have no preference but I LoVe that this is a topic of debate.
AT HOME! It's not only a parent's responsibility to teach such an important subject, but it's also a privilege, in my opinion!
I believe in doing the planned discussion thing when it seems to be the right time, keeping it age appropriate as much as possible, and teaching morals along with it. But the discussion never really ends in my house. I'm always teaching more and discussing more through the years, whenever any hint of the subject comes up.
By the way...there's no rule that says a mom should teach her daughters and a dad should teach his sons. Psh...I'm a lot better at teaching about sex than my hubby is, and I'm not the least bit embarrassed or awkward about it...so I taught my youngest son, too! He is comfortable asking me questions, and I think that is AWESOME! :)
Definitely at home! As awkward as it is to learn about, it is so much less traumatizing hearing the details at home, from people you love and respect than in a room full of your classmates at school from the school nurse. That being said, parents need to make sure they do a good job of explaining things. My mom read me a book that said, "moms and dads fit together in a special way." What the heck does that even mean?!? I remember thinking how ridiculous that sounded, even then, at the age of 8.
My mom gave me the sex talk at age 10. She blushed and stammered her way through it, but she did a pretty good job giving basic information. Later, as an older teenager, I wanted more info...so I yoinked my parents' marriage manual that was hidden between their mattress and box springs, and pretty much read it from cover to cover!
That was pretty fun.
Dude. Totally at home. I want to know what my child knows...and the only way to know that is by being the one to tell them! Also, that probably will make it more likely for them to feel comfortable about asking you later on if they have questions about it.
hmmm.
i was homeschooled 3rd-9th grade. i never actually got a "sex talk." i was given a book that described what would happen to me, but since it was published by american girl, i'm almost positive the word sex was never mentioned.
then, sophomore year, i had to take wellness. i was back in public school, and for 3 days, we watched co-ed slide shows on gona-sippha-herpa-les.
maybe i missed the full-blown sex-ed while i wasn't in public school.
as for my opinion! [since it has taken me freaking ever to get to!]
i think kids should know before they learn it from someone at school. and while i may not be able to give my children a great sex talk, i'll probably find a nicely informative book, with an understanding that i'll answer any questions.
and since i didn't say enough the first time, MORALS will definitely be taught along with this subject in my future household.
there is such a difference in the worldly view of sex, and the Biblical view of sex.
the end. really.
When I was in 4th grade they showed a film for the girls (with their mothers attending) and one for boys (with their fathers attending) after school hours. No one asked questions...then. We were expected to ask our parents for any further information. Mom asked me if I had any questions when we got home. I had a few then and then here or there as time passed. I think that film was a huge help for the parents. It was very clearly explained and the animation showed what was where. Just enough information for my age group. I would have been far too embarrassed before seeing that movie to ask questions of my mother.
Teaching sex ed in school is stupid. You don't dare ask questions because people will laugh. It was very embarrassing (truly could have lived without the emergency childbirth movie thankyouverymuch).
This kind of thing belongs at home, with appropriate video assistance. Also, like someone else said, manners, citizenship, and good hygeine should be taught at home.
PS Laundry goes in the hamper; you put it in laundry baskets to take it to the laundry room/Mom's house. ;o)
well i personally think that some kids son't have a very supporting and caring family, so they actually need to learn the basics in school. but i think that it's very important for them to hear it from their parents first, because it is a more "loving" way to finding out about sex, and because parents can provide a safe orientation to it and all that...
sorry about my grammar and stuff, I'm from Chile so I speak Sapanish as first language.
bb
Ditto to what Robinn said about Hampers vs. Laundry Baskets. Hampers stay in your room, laundry baskets travel :)
I definitely think it should be taught in both places, but the details, expectations, consequences etc need to be taught at home first. I agree that abstinence as well as birth control need to be taught, because you never know who's parent's aren't going to have those talks, and everyone deserves knowledge. But when it comes to individual sexual behavior, parents need to be having open communication with their kids.
haha oh shucks, i found out from a book.
nawt kewl.
I think it should be taught in the home. Most of me thinks that it should not be taught at school at all but then part of me thinks of kids that come from homes without loving parents that don't care enough to talk to them about special things such as this. So I'm torn:\
It needs to be both. We have just gone through this in our home. We covered a lot of the basics - somethings we just don't need to go into yet - here at home. Then my eleven year old went through the classes at school. It is a unit taught in science as the Family Science unit right on the tail end of the human body unit. Then at home, we've debriefed and filled in as necessary. Of course, trying to get the girl to tell what she learned in school has been worse then pulling teeth from a chicken.
i love reading everyones comments...so fun! so great that you are doing these debates. anywho my hubby and i have decided sex needs to be taught in the home because DUH it about more then SEX. however i still think we need sex ed. at the schools just because there are some lame parents out there that don't have the guts to talk about it with their kids.... which is lame cuz if you want to have a kid you should be willing to help and teach them with the important aspects in life... i am pretty sure sex is one of those.
my husbands dad had "the talk" with him however and my hubby said it was the most akward thing ever...so ice cream sounds good hahaha
sorry i was signed in under the wrong address hahahaha that last comment was muah
Since schools in Utah are only allowed to teach abstinence I prefer to teach my children. That way they learn about the brain changes as well as the impact of having sex. It is very candid talk around here. Always has been. :)
This is one I have debated over for years... I have come to the conclusion that I want my kids to learn about sex from both my husband and I and their school. School should teach them the scientific proccess of reproduction while at home we can teach the spiritual side. And this is why...
I wasn't allowed to go to Sex ed, (apparently the teacher was too graphic the year before, when my brother attended). Instead I had to go to the library and do a huge report on...Genocide, nice right. Then when my mom came to give me "the talk" I told her I already knew. Some kid in kindergarten told me sex means to rub necks while naked. All I need to know I learned in Kindergarten??? Not quite. imagine my surprise senior year when I discovered what sex really is! I think it is better to teach more than it is to teach less.
So I say both.. just to make sure all the grounds have been covered...
longest comment ever sorry.
I SO wish my mother had taught me about sex-ed. Because you know how they taught us about sex ed? First we got this pamphlet with flowers all over it talking about the beauty of womanhood. It had these letters in it that these obvs fake girls wrote to each other about how awesome periods are. Yay! Then our scary lady math teacher started putting pictures up on the screen in front of the room. You can imagine for yourself what the pictures were. Talk about scarred for life!
Oh, and it's hampers. At least that's what I call them.
So.... I think having the "talk" is awkward no matter what but I personally would rather have it alone like 1 on 1 instead of being awkward with every girl?or boy I associate with daily!
I too was taught like you and I know the nurse wasn't what I wante d i think the talk should be taught in comfides of your own home so parents can say what they want you to know and add-in a little religion or not depending on their situation
does that make sense....? hmmm..
:) any ways you gety the idea
school or home? home!
at school at all? nope!
Definitely at home. Kids need to know that they can talk to their parents. It is awkward at first, and it can be embarassing-but no matter which party is in office, I don't want the government teaching my kids about sex.
That said, the only real conversation I tried to have with my mom about sex was my telling her my boyfriend wanted to, and her saying "no." That's not good, either. I had no information from "no." I had a lot of questions, but at that point I knew I couldn't talk to my mom about sex. Happily, I have only had sex with my husband.
Also, in my opinion (aren't you glad you asked?), you, the parent, have to be prepared for the fact that passion might get the best of your kids. Because, really, it might. If your daughter comes to you and says she's pregnant (or your son tells you his girlfriend is preg), and he/she's not married, you have to be ready to love him/her just the same as you always have. There are no perfect people, and everyone is subject to temptation. We all make mistakes, but this one seems to make some parents disengage from their kids, and that's just stupid.
However, if you both talk to your kids about sex openly, when they're ready (you'll know), and keep lines of communication open, as it sounds like your parents did, then your kids will know you love them unconditionally and will be more willing to discuss issues they're having with you. And when they come to you, THAT is the point when you can have some real impact.
Somebody grab this soapbox...I'm steppin off!
Ok, I totally agree. I was taught from both and I definately prefferred my mother. Although I was told by my older sster first when I was 7 (I didn't believe her), learning it at school with a bunch of giggling fifth graders was NO fun either. My mommy was waaay better and less akward.
My parents didn't even try to have the sex talk with me until literally a few weeks ago (I'm 17). I also only had a week of sex ed lessons in school last semester. But I already knew everything I need to know, thanks to the internet. And I'm glad I learned like that, because let's face it, whether it's your parents or a teacher, it's gonna be awkward. So yeah, I turned out fine, I'm waiting for the right guy to do it with, I'm not going to be a promiscuous slut and become a pregnant teenager, yadda yadda. Thank you interwebz!
i was taught at school.. and i definietly wish my mom would have talked to me about it before 7th grade! i learned about periods in 5th grade, but tried not to listen because it was embarrasing.. everything was a little awkward. plus when girls started telling me things they did with boys.. in 7th grade!.... i would have known that i didn't need to know those specific things if my parents would have taught me a little about it. my parents are amazing! i am just going to choose to teach my kid's at home!
btw, i miss mattas!
My husband and I have this debate too! I wonder if it is simply a guy/girl thing -- like the hampers. What I mean is, I would have died of embarrassment if I had learned all of that wonderfulness from a stranger in a classroom full of other people. My mom pulled me out of class and I got to go to lunch and talk with her instead. I never got made fun of, in fact, all the other kids were very jealous that I got to escape. I still learned everything and I turned out ok. Maybe boys don't care either way. I'm not sure they are as embarrassed about their bodies as girls are. Or maybe they just don't show it. In the end, I figured that He will be teaching the boys any way so he can do it however he wants. I will be taking the lunch and ice cream route. I think sex ed is good for kids whose parents are weird religious fanatics that never tell them about sex. But for kids with loving and caring parents, I think it is best coming from them!
At home. When I started my period, I didn't tell my mom for 2 months because I was embarrassed-traumatic!!!
In fifth grade they did a little presentation for us. It was just the basics, men and women are different etc. Then they gave us a bag with a pamphlet and a lady product. My mom spoke to me at one point, don't remember if it was before or after, but she also gave me that American Girl book. Health class covered the reproductive aspect in 9th and 10th grade.
So I think a little of both. It's nice for the parents to talk to the kids to let them know if they have any questions that they can go to them, but at school you understand the consequences of unprotected. Giving the parents a heads up that they are actually talking about it is probably a good idea though.
fur sure at home. Really. Better you soften the blow of the dirty details. I told my daughter the basics when she was 8. She wasn't too freaked. I'd rather she ask me than some lamespice boy at school.
If they dont learn it from friends before hand as Parents we should talk to our child about sex. I know I had questions and WAS NOT going to ask the Mrs. Pap the school nurse in front of everyone. School really is just teaching us the other sexes body parts and what kind of diseases you can get. Talk to your kids.
I think that at home is the BEST way to go about things but that a follow up at school couldn't hurt. My mom was totally open with me and I was allowed to ask her whatever, whenever, and it was great...the school part just gave me greater info on specific STD's and different ways for me to protect myself. But morals and sex should be taught hand in hand at home. I am not a very religious person but I have strong values and morals that were instilled in me through my parents and I thank them for that every day!!
Oh and it is a HAMPER!! Sorry none of that laundry basket business!!
Defiantly at home. I learned in school and I didn't care for it. My husband was talked to about it from his dad and he is grateful he was.
i think girls should learn at home and boys should learn from school. haha! it was the other way around with me and Mark and I think we could be a lot better together if it were the OPPOSITE. Guys need that social edge, while girls need to accept it way before the wedding night. BLAH. haha
I would personally rather hear it in a big group where you're not the focus than one on one with a parent. It just makes it a little less awkward. And a lot of times parents are pretty vague just because it is awkward so that doesn't really help. So yeah, i'm all for doing it at school.
Definitely at home. Did anyone else watch the movie about sex ed in 5th grade, that starred the redhead who played Little Orphan Annie? Well...that's how I first learned. Thank goodness my mom followed up with her own version of what Annie told me. I was way more comfortable asking my mom questions than my gray-haired, wrinkly-crinkly 5th grade teacher!
Def at home. I come from a very traditional family and my parents did not even MENTION sex in front of me...result=friends at school telling me stuff that was a wee bit tainted by their own views. Also, I am originally from a muslim country and they don't have sex ed at school. Thus, I have been lost for a long time. Thank the Lord for Bible Study girls who are trustworthy and prepared me for my wedding night!
My brother (almost 5 years older) broke the news to me. I don't think my parents ever said anything to me about it.
Generally, I'm in favor of giving kids correct information. The catch is, when? Before they hear about it on the school bus, but not when they're too young. I dunno. I can let you know in a few years how that works out.
I left out a word:
Generally, I'm in favor of giving kids correct information myself.
AT HOME for sure! What if the school has a crappy sex ed teacher or can't control the class from making degrading comments??????
I wouldn't leave it up to the fate of someone YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW!!!!
Teach your kids little things as long as it's age appropriate like teaching the correct names for body parts. Kids are going to have questions...let them learn from someone they trust!
My mother never taught me sex ed. We don't discuss that type of stuff in my house, it just leaves us all feeling very awkward. I learned about sex through my peers and school. I wasn't uninformed or mislead about any of it and it didn't turn me into a sex craving teenager (in fact, I didn't even have my first kiss til I was in college).
I could've lived without seeing my teacher put a condom on a banana though. Really, that was a bit scaring. But at our school you HAD to take the class so whether or not you learned about it at home you still had to sit through the class.
My mother did do one thing for me, when I was a kid if I had a question about sex or any of that type of stuff she'd answer it truthfully and that would be that. I, however, didn't ask many questions. lol
definitely home! I agree that school mainly just teaches you how to protect yourself from getting diseases or preggo...but we defintely need to teach our kids the moral view of it, and answer all their questions. But yeah, icecream is definitely a must!
At home, and preferably before she/he hears it at a sleepover and is told the wrong thing...which is what happened to me! Yeah, in 4th grade, my girlfriends told me how people "do it" and it was NOT how people do it. My mom had to explain it to me and then proceeded to call the girl's mom who hosted the party. Yeah, she hated me for awhile after that.
I think sex talk should start at home at an early age. And then more should be taught as the child gets older. Age appropriate and child specific.
I think teaching it in school is ok depending on the curriculum. My little sister had it best I think. The class was separated into boys/girls, and the lessons were sent to the parents ahead of time so that they could discuss with the child before the class(if they wanted to).
great topic!
True story:
In fifth grade we had to watch a video. In the video a girl started her period during the night. In the morning her mother drew out her uterus and overies in pancake batter.. on the griddle! To show her how things work. I swear I couldn't eat pancakes for years afterwards!
My kids will hear it from me at home. I'm not looking forward to it. But eh.. I'll get over it!
maybe have your kids read fan fiction?
if i remember correctly, the 'maturation' program was an after school- optional thing that parents could come with you to. which seems to be a good middle ground, parents are there and a part of it and can answer questions later, but don't have to feel uncomfortable spelling out every detail themselves. dads took the boys one night, and moms took the girls the next night. except this one girl who's dad came too - akwaaaaaaard.
We talked about this in one of my public health classes last semester. We read tons of studies that it was best to have both parents and the school involved in the sex education talk. Parents should be the first to teach their kids... Then school education can just supplement it. If I chose one it would be at home. It is such a weird talk... ugh. I wish no one had to give it!!
hooooome! and i think it's important also to teach the "specialness" of it, and that it should be saved for marriage. hopefully respect for self and others has been learned by then too. the school did a pretty good job of scaring me away from it though, i think all we talked about there were std's... bleh.
ugh.. i forgot. some of the stuff stu tells me were discussed in the locker rooms in high school are just foul. just saying, some of the stuff you learn at school (maybe not in a class, but from friends) is no bueno. parents should set it straight! sex is about love :)
at home for sure. every parent and child are different though, so I guess the content etc. would vary by what they want/need.
To be honest, I learned it from a friend who learned it from a sister who learned it from...doing the act. haha. but I already knew some of it from tv.
I think the next generation is going to learn most from just that: tv, internet, etc.
But! I always thought that the parents should have "a sex talk" with their children. at the right age, that is. which is different for each child.
Hey! if/when it comes time to have the sex talk with your kids...maybe you can break out pocket edward and bella and act it out twilight style. ;]
Xk
It's definitely the responsibility of the parents.
At home, for sure. But I do believe it should be taught in school because, let's face it, lots of parents are lame and will be too chicken or not care enough to approach this topic with their kids. But, be forewarned, it will happen earlier than you expect. I just had to have this conversation with my 8-year old (and also the 6-year old, by default, because they are sisters and only 19 months apart, so what one knows, the other will soon know). Anyway, it wasn't fun, but it was good - a trust building experience for all of us. I have a couple of good age-appropriate books - non-scary visual aides helped a bit. Good luck to you and Ted and your future kids on this one! (oh, and I've already told my hubby that he gets to cover this topic with the boys, for sure!)
First of all, if you wait to let the sex education class to teach your kids about sex, then the first education they will get will be from their friends...and it won't always be the correct information.
When you teach your kids about the names of all the body parts, use the proper names for EVERYTHING. That way when any question comes up that might lead into little bits of learning for them, it doesn't sound so childish ("and so the man's weiner goes....")
Also, when you teach your kids at home, they get the added benefit of hearing about your own personal and family values regarding sex.
BTW, the first intro into sex education my first kid had was at age 3 when he asked about our dog who was in heat. Honest and age appropriate answers lead us into future questions as he was learning about life.
I really thing that the only way to go is to teach your kids at home... How else are you going to know what info they are getting?! When I was in school they were teaching things that went against what I was taught and my beliefs. There is nothing to be embarrassed about sex... It is just a part of life that they need to learn about... When I was growing up we were taught at a steady rate so we weren't overloaded with info and it was always around the table with warm cookies and milk... In fact when I was in high school I had friends that didn't know a whole lot and they started asking me about sex and I told them that we could go over to my place and talk with my mom about it... I then called my mom and told her to get the cookies ready... we were in for a long talk!...hahaha.... So I really think at home is the best way and that is how we are going about it with our kids...even thought they are still babies!
At home before they learn it at school. I don't think there's a set age that is best for every child, but it is a parent's right and responsibility (also, I love that your mom called it a privelage, she's exactly right!) to educate their children in this area.
I had the talk with Hannah (9) a couple of months ago. I've known it was coming for a couple of years, and have prayed constantly to know how and what to say to her, in a way that would be best for her to learn. Thankfully, over the last couple of years, she's had questions come up here and there, so the conversation has been (and still is) an ongoing one. I believe in giving them as much information as they are asking for at the time, and according to what is age appropriate.
The entire talk came about because of a question that she asked, and it led into why marriage between a man and a woman is so important. I had prayed for so long (and silently throughout the conversation too) that it would be natural and comfortable for her, and my prayers were answered.
Some may think that 9 was too young, but for Hannah and the questions she had, it was just the right time. Will I do it the same way for my other children? Probably not, but I will continue to pray to know what is the best way for us to teach them about this, because I want them to know these things and the sacred nature of their bodies and the way they work, before they hear a distorted view of it from their friends at school, or in a way in class that will not present the beauty and spiritual aspect of sex between a husband and a wife.
And now, my post within your post is over ;)
Sorry for that MASSIVE run-on sentence in that last paragraph of my comment! Holy cow, that thing went on forever!!
I have no recollection of Sex Ed..I must have blocked the memory. I didn't want to hear much from my mom either, but I think that's the way to go.
Well, I think it depends on who the parent is because in MY oh so humble opinion, I know a few children who know too much information for their age, and the mother was all "But they asked!" And I can damn sure tell you they didn't ask about THAT.
Oh, and hampers are the tall things WITH LIDS, and baskets are lidless.
also? Serrano's mini chimi's with Fili's hot sauce. nom nom nom.
Totally at home. In fact the church has counseled us to talk to our kids about it before they enter 1st grade.
i just remember sex ed being like super gross- but interesting. They showed pictures of like different stds..which i thought was unnecessary- they could have just described it! i saw pictures of mens weiners and girls parts that were WAYY over the top nasty.
But basic sex ed, is okay i think. But I don't think I am going to want my kids to just go to sex ed.. theres so much more to sex than what sex ed tells you. Thats were parents come in. I am definately going to talk to my kids about it. Im not going to depend on the crazy society to do that, specially when its as crazy as it is.
It depends? I know, lamespice answer, but it's true. It depends on the child. It depends on the quality of the school system. It depends on your knowledge and comfort level.
Personally, I got it all in school save for a random "Growing Up" book thrown on my bed one morning in 6th grade. I got it from my bffs and the media, too.
Depends, I guess.
I think it depends on the kid and parent. Like say that I'm a prostituite and I have to give my kid a sex talk it'd be pretty hypocritical of me....don't ya think? Me personally, I learned most of it from my sisters...and I liked it that way.
I'd have to say in the home. Better there than in school, for sure. And Definetly SERRANOS - 2 words Bean Dip!
Home, home, HOME!
Now, that said. My Dad told me he wanted to know when they taught sex ed at school so he could talk to me about it when the time came. I hid every paper they sent home about it and NEVER had the talk with either one of my parents.
Still...I think the talk should be at home, with the appropriate parent. I did NOT want to talk to my Dad about it, but would have been okay talking to my Mom about it.
My husband gave the talk to our oldest son this year before they talked about it in school. I am assuming my son wouldn't want to talk to me about it.
Another reason I say home, is that school doesn't always give the information in a way that fits in with the morals or beliefs of parents. It is better for a kid to know and understand the moral foundations of things before the school jumps in and gives them permission to sleep around and etc.
I am down with Lar Face. I think it should come from home. School teaches safe sex not abstinence! I really don't want my daughter pregnant at 15!
We didn't have sex ed in our schools...are you kidding, I grew up in the heart of the Bible belt, in the deep south, where such as that is discussed behind closed doors, all ladylike and proper.
Duh. Sex ed WILL be taught to my girls by me. In our home. In the proper manner and fashion, i.e. with the Bible front and center.
Call me old-fashioned if you want...but I believe God designed it that way. After all, He designed sex. He's a good God.
Amen.
XOXO
While it's terribly embarassing to speak about sex with your parents it's even more mortifying to do it in front of all your schoolmates. At least you can ask questions and know pretty much that your parents aren't going to laugh at you (to your face). Your classmates however are a different story. I'd much rather my kids hear it from me and then feel okay with having questions and getting all the answers than having a condensed, sterile lecture in school.
Dearest Lauren,
I too think that sex ed is best learned directly from the horses mouth (aka your parents) because hey, let's face it, no one knows more about how you were created than your own parents. The awkwardness and embarrassment in the conversation itself is vital in getting the point across to chillens and I don't think that scientific names of body parts and the coldness and disregard of a school nurse or science teacher can hold its own against a truly heartfelt conversation about such an important life lesson. Especially in today's culture, you never know when and how this issue will come up unless that matter is taken into your own hands. If you wait your child may not even get to learn from school but may be forced to face some sick sadistic form of sex that is in everyday television which is way worse than any uncomfortable conversation.
Love, Sarah. =]
So I had the "where do babies come from discussion" when I was 8 and then my parents wouldn't let me go to any other sex-ed classes growing up. They always felt it was best taught at home so they could emphasize how sacred sex was, so they would take me out of school that day or sign something saying I wasn't allowed to go (kinda weird I know). However, I was the first one of my friends to get married and soon found out that there were a lot of things my mom had left out when explaining so I had to learn from books and my sister in laws. All in all, I think it should still be taught at home but I hope to be a little more open with my daughters about things especially when they are getting married. :)
I have to leave my two cents. It's the parent's responsibility not the schools. It should be taught at home.
At home is the way I taught it. I never let my kids go to the school discussions and actually had an offended school nurse call me once - ha ha. Made me laugh.
I think it is a privilege of parenthood and also a parents responsibility to teach these things to our children. Every family believes a little differently even where sex ed is concerned.
I did the "tell a little bit at a time" approach and it worked great. I only gave them the info. that they asked for at a given age and when they were ready for more info. more questions came.
It seems that the younger oncs found out from older siblings so it got easier the more kids I had but I still had to clarify a few things!
As far as sex ed goes there are two views: Mechanics and Morals. If you want to learn mechanics, then the school biology teacher is probably more than qualified. If you want to teach the morals of sex then you have to teach that at home. I don't want the state telling me my morals and ethics.
And if you want to learn technique, and I say this seriously, watch porn. Not the most ethical or moral, but definitely will teach you the graduate and Ph.D. level of sex.
And I also think every young couple should watch at least 2-3 porn movies and then talk about it before they get married. Ask questions about everything. Get all that out in the open before you get married and someone wants sex 7 nights a week and someone wants it 7 times a year.
Well, I think sex ed should be taught at home.
They are going to have to sit through it in school too, but if they know how the system works they will not be the one giggling like a lunatic as the teacher/nurse talks about it.
Plus kids probably feel more comfortable asking questions to their parents, well mine do anyway, than in front of a whole class of people.
AT HOME FOR SURE.
a parent should have control over what their child learns about sex.
sex-ed = all the little children freaking out at recess and other kids telling YOUR kids rumors or things that they don't need to know about sex quite yet
plus, a kid should hear that from their own mom or dad. I think it helps them later on in life to have a more open commmunication with their parents when they have further questions. It opens the pathway.
At home! wish my mom would of talked to me about it. Life wouldn't of been so awkward! Trust me, I was sitting with Ted in the sex ED class, that was not enough info! plus there diagrams, are odd...!!!!
I was taught at school and they taught me nothing!! I vote home. Even though it can be embarassing.
I have a book to recommend about teaching the basics:
"How to Talk to Your Child about Sex" by Linda and Richard Eyre. Wonderful, wonderful book. I didn't follow all of their advice, but most of it. They recommend teaching your child the basics at age 8. And I totally agree.
"Where Did I Come From" by Peter Mayle. Basics of sex that is child-friendly. It is to-the-point and very matter-of-fact.
And for puberty, I recommend the following:
FOR GIRLS:
"The Care of Keeping of You: THe Body Book fo Girls" by American Girl writers. This is a great book for girls. I searched and seached for a puberty book for my daughter (who was 8 at the time). Most of them discuss birth control, masturbation, "not being casual" with sex kind of stuff, and essays on bulimia and anorexia that glorified the diseases. Yikes! The Body Book had all the basics of puberty in a wonderful form without tyring to be trendy. I bought a copy for myself and each of my girls. They get it when they turn 8.
FOR BOYS:
"The Boy's Body Guide: A Health and Hygiene Book for Boys 8 and Older" by Frank Hawkins, Greta Laube & J.C. Hawkins. On the boys side I also search through dozens of puberty books trying to find an appropriate one for and 8 year old, or any age for that matter! This book addressed all the changes I was looking for, plus some topics that I hadn't even considered talking to my son about (ex. steroid use & muscle development).
Final Word to Ted:
Sex happens at home and should be taught at home.
there is nothing i love more than a good healthy sex talk!
And watching my kids die as I tell them all about it...is about the funniest thing I can think of!
so I vote for talking about it at home...AND then going for ice cream. But doing it at school is nice too...you get out of class time
there is nothing i love more than a good healthy sex talk!
And watching my kids die as I tell them all about it...is about the funniest thing I can think of!
so I vote for talking about it at home...AND then going for ice cream. But doing it at school is nice too...you get out of class time
It should be done at home by the parents, but unfortunately it is not always done and so I understand why the school feels they need to do something.
I learned it from my mom and my friends when I was probably eight years old, but we did take sex ed at thirteen (a little late). I definately think kids can learn it at home and if that's not possible, get a book.
it should be taught at home. that is something parents should teach their kids.
Dear Lauren,
You shall buy the book called "what's happening to me" and read it with them. This is what I am doing with my kids... Here's the link:
http://www.ubah.com/ecommerce/details.asp?sid=W0480&gid=84124147&title=Library+What%27s+Happening&sqlwhere=submit%3Dsearch%26search%3Dwhat%27s%2Bhappening
personally I'm voting teach your kids, as is developmentally appropriate ie not the full scale sex ed when they are kidlets, but at least that way hopefully by broaching such topics early and openly with your kids you set a precedent that allows them to come to you later when they have questions.
I'm def. gonna go with telling them at home first :)
I think it would be better coming from me then some stranger.
This might be bad marital skills. But I'm thinking what happens in de casa de busy bee stays there, and guarenteed your hubby isn't going to come home from work and your kids gonna say "DAD YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT MOM TOLD ME!" because lets face it, they are already going to feel tainted without reliving it. Anyhoo, this looks like a win win situation to me!
I've heard that if you don't teach it in the home, that kids will hear about it from their friends by FIRST GRADE!! Still so young, so you have to handle it carefully.
I definitely vote for in the home.
I strongly believe that Sex Ed should be taught in the home.
I think the key is doing it in small increments as children grow and ask natural questions. That way they don't have the horror of knowing everything at once. Conversations can be truthful, relaxed and gradual. And the child gains trust that when they ask their parent a question, they will be answered in a way that is truthful, even if it's simple.
My 9 year old son knows almost everything. We will get the entire way there before the 5th grade maturation program. But it's been an easy, gradual process. Not embarrassing, just open and honest.
Great topics for discussion, Lauren! :)
Post a Comment