I have been thinking a lot lately about my life...
{1} I work 40 hours a week
{2} I make home cooked meals almost every day
{3} I work out for an hour 6 days a week
{4} I keep up with household chores
{5} I have a major responsibility for my church, which includes planning activities throughout the week, planning a lesson on Sunday, and being their for the girls I am a leader over.
{6} I run errands
{7} I spend time with family
{8} I run not one. not two...but three blogs.
{9} I check my average 150 daily emails.
{10} I run a photography business on the side.
{11} I edit said photos constantly.
{12} I make time to enrich my soul by reading the scriptures.
{13} I try to find a little "me time"
and on top of all of that...
I have a husband who really wants to spend time with me.
I sometimes have a really hard time trying to balance my crazy life.
And sometimes I think, "Oh! I need to go comment on blogs...it's important that people know that I'm reading and that I care!" but then I see my husband sitting on the sofa looking neglected and thing, "No...I need to go spend time with my husband so that he knows I care more about him."
I have made a commitment to my husband. I have made a commitment to our relationship. And I have made a commitment to our future family. If it ever comes down to keeping up with people on Twitter/commenting on blogs/returning emails or spending time with my husband, you better believe I will always put my The Tedward first.
It wasn't always this way. A few months ago he told me how sad he was that I spent a lot of time on the internet and we didn't get to spend time together. That's when I stopped posting on Lauren's Bite as much. That's when I stopped emailing and twittering and commenting as much. It was hard at first...but now I am so glad I made that decision. It has given me more time to create, to love, to appreciate the blessings I have, and to be a better wife.
I never want to look back on my first years of marriage and say, "Gosh, I wish I had spent more time with Ted". I want to spend as much time NOW, with him as I can...
So here are my questions...
Do you ever find yourself sacrificing precious family/husband/boyfriend time, in order to "chill" with your internet friends?
Do you have a specific time set away in the day that is reserved for "internet play time"?
How do you balance family time with internet time?
Do you ever feel hurt if your significant other puts something before you?
54 awesomespice comments:
first!!
I do find time to go on the internet, but I always ask my husband if he wants to hang out - but honestly.. im the one on the sofa being neglected sometimes. So I think that its necessary to find time for your family. I hate it when I'm sitting there wondering if he'd even care that I was there. But, I know that he doesnt mean to, and we do spend time together alot.
idk. one on one time is key to good friendship and an understanding for one another.
great post:)
I have a husband that works nights during the week. He is gone when I am home and I am gone when he is home. I have had to come up with things to keep me busy during those times ie: dance, mutual, blogging, crafts, etc. I also spend a lot of time on the computer. When Jack is home on the weekend I find it difficult sometimes to stay away from facebook, twitter, blogs. But I do. With exception to church calling and teaching dance, on Jack's days off, I am always free. I do my internet/school/stuff during the week. I always have to remind myself that Jack in the end is much more imortant than the things I do on the internet. If Jack came home everynight the same time I did, I would not be able to do a lot of the things I do now, but I have a feeling it would be worth it.
I totally know where you're coming from. I probably spend more time on the internet than I should, so I've been making a conscious effort to get other things done before I spend time on the computer. It bothers me when my husband is on his computer all the time, so I try not to do that to him. You must be superwoman, being able to do all that you do and STILL have time for your blogs and such. I have two blogs and those usually suffer when I realize I'm neglecting the rest of my life. I'm working on finding a happy balance amongst everything. BTW, I always feel special when I see that you've commented on one of my blog posts. I feel even MORE special, now that I know how busy you are. You really are "Busy Bee Lauren!" :-)
I think it's really all a matter of balance. If I have something to do with my family or friends, I sacrifice internet time because I know which is more important. There's no real specific time to get on, I just get in a few minutes here and there, but I DO try to limit myself to 10-15 minutes tops on the internet at a time, that way I focus on what's important in my life. Family time comes first. ALWAYS. And so sometimes you might not get to post a blog for a few days or catch up with internet friends, but in the end, it has always seemed to work for me.
1. Yest when he's at work and im home. Because when we are both home it's "our time". Since i work days and he works nights... :-(
2. Same thing as #1
3.Yes at times but it depends what it is. But we both know that we love each other at the end of the day and nothing else matters :-)
But wow! you do a lot and still manage to cook a home meal. :-)
yup...i get it. totally.
i used to blog & comment more than i do. and one day i just realized that too much of something {even if it's a really GOOD thing} can be bad. bottom line: my girls & my man, need me more than my internet friends need me...
now i just blog when i can, comment when i feel like it, and give myself permission to do so. *and it's [still] a happy life.
you are SUCH a cute blogger, a totally thoughtful person, and obviously an amazing wife/daughter/employee/friend...keep up being your adorable self & do what keeps you/ted {blissfully} happy. (:
1. No, because I see my husband on average 2 hours a day so I want to spend every second with HIM. I am sure though that if I saw him more the computer thing could be a problem.
2. I try to not be on the computer for more then a half an hour a day.
3.I just remember that family is more important then the internet.
4. Yes...i feel extremely hurt when he chooses to play on the internet instead of me. I do need to understand however that he is stressed all day and may need a break.
hahah favorite part: "my The Tedward" bwaaaah slayed me.
my step-mom brought it to my attention that if i put as much time into geneology as i did into facebook/blogging i'd have my lineage completely traced. that put it into context for me o.O
I have found in life we always are able to find the time for things that are the most important to us.
I never had the internet as a newlywed or a young mother - I could see how that might be a huge distraction.
I think noticing what you spend time on and then balancing it out is truly the key.
1. No. I am only on the internet when Hubs is at work and M is sleeping.
2. My internet play time is M's nap time, after I have taken care of my household responsibilities.
3. I put my family before internet time. I don't post on my blog more than a couple of times a week. I don't post in communities as often as I used to.
4. I do feel hurt if it's something like the internet. I mean, sometimes he has to do work stuff at home and I don't like that. I'd rather he spend that time with us, but it's something he has to do. Spending time surfing the net is not something he has to do. So that hurts, yes.
GOOD TOPIC and it hits so close to home!
I often find myself on the internet rather than having a conversation with my significant other. He is SO used to this, and like you, I feel badly about it.
He does know, however, that I LOVE the internet, and that it's a huge part of my life. He never makes me feel guilty about this, and he is secure enough in our relationship to understand that, DUH, the internet, while important to me, does not even come in at a close second to him.
I don't have a specific time, so it usually just goes something like this:
"I am checking my websites and AS SOON AS I'M FINISHED I AM SHUTTING DOWN THE COMPUTER." I try to wake up before him and have my laptop in bed, so that by the time he gets up I am finished. Yes? I have a Blackberry, and I find internetting on this throughout the day cuts down on actual time I spend in front of the computer, since I can check it in lines, etc.
I feel hurt when Ryan puts things before me of course, but I try to wrangle that in and understand that while he is my boyfriend, he is a PERSON first and sometimes people just need their space. I try not to let it go deeper than that, because 99.9% of the time, it isn't that he is avoidant, he is just having "Ryan time!"
i spend too much time online. i could be putting effort into lots of other things. i don't have a significant other, but i could invest my time a bit more wisely.
i need to set time limits for myself.
and if a significant other consistently puts other things in front of me, he shouldn't be so significant [learned that the hard way]
thanks for making me thing about these things!
I think you are doing an amazing job balancing all the things that you have going on and sometimes it is about whats most important and the fact that you realize your husband does shows how great you are!!! way to go being just a busy bee and really doing so much p.s. i think we should get together in the year 202444 when you are less busy!!! done deal!!!
My husband works all day while I am at home with our son. So I usually go on the internet while the kid is napping and that way when my husband gets home from work we can have family time. After the kid goes to sleep for the night its all about the 2 of us :) This way I get my time to veg out and do my thing on the computer without it taking up any family/husband time. It works for me!
Good for you Lauren putting 'The Tedward' first!
I probably spend way too much time online, but I don't let it get in the way of family. My husband is very busy and gone a lot at work. If anything, I feel neglected-but anyway. I do sometimes neglect chores around the house, which is not good.
i check mine and everyones blog when ever i get home from selling at lunch and at night, oh and in the morning before i go into the office. i do this only becasue this is all i have to do here, when i get home i will be much busier and will have to limit myself to internet blogging time. Yes i feel neglected sometimes when brett plays video games all sunday, which is our only day off but than again im on the computer... but we talked about it and it all good now! to much of anything can turn bad, we really have to limit ourselves to things like time on the internet, video games and tv time, it catches up to us.
oh my gosh!!!! your twilight blog Lauren's Bite has dissappeared. I thought you'd like to know. even if you probaly already know...
Funny that you post this today. Look what I posted yesterday:
http://gamblepartyoffour.blogspot.com/2009/08/why-i-dont-post-as-often-as-id-like.html
These are really good questions, and based everybody's answers, we're all seeking the same balance.
As a working mother of two small children, I have a difficult time setting aside even a few moments to play on the internets. If I do, I feel terribly guilty because I am likely neglecting some other chore that is much more important. However, all work and no play makes Jane a dull girl.
The short answer is that I'm still trying to find the balance. That said, childhood only happens once, and I don't want to miss watching my kids grow just so that I can keep up on a my blog or Facebook.
I have felt hurt in the past when my then boyfriend (now husband)prioritized things ahead of our relationship. However, I realized after I changed jobs that I'd been doing the same thing for years. I felt horrible and understood how much time with each other we lost. We've never made the same mistake since. Our marriage is top priority.
I'll end my already-too-long answer with a short story. When I was pregnant with our daughter, my husband's uncle gave him some advice that I've lived by. He asked, "Dave, do you know what it takes to be a good father?"
Dave humored him and said, "No."
His uncle said, "Be a good husband."
I believe that's also how to be a good mother. Be a good wife.
I don't think I sacrifice time with my friends or family for internet time, however I do like to be able to check facebook, emails, and blog updates at least once a day. I can make it as quick as a minute or two, but if I am by myself I allow it to take as long as I want!
I do not get hurt if someone is one the internet while I am around, but I get extremely annoyed if when I hang out wuth someone all they do is play on the internet. There are certain manners to have when hanging out with friends/family/spouse and I definitely do not think that entire time should be spent on the internet (or the phone for that matter!).
I think this is a great debate topic, and thanks for commenting on my blog it made my day :)
1. With school, homework, work, and internet fun, I have sacrificed precious husband time. When he brought it to my attention it really made me evaluate my priorities and make some adjustments for the better :)
2. Yes, I actually play on the internet when my hubby goes on the internet for the same thing, lol. It's funny, we sit side-by-side on our love seat with our laptops in our laps and we do our own thing together until were done.
3. When were together we run through things we want to do and make time for just the two of us top priority without any distractions.
4. Yes, my hubby loves to airsoft and goes out with his buddies on the weekends all the time and sometimes it irks me because it makes me feel less important, BUT I know that's not true and that he loves me with all his heart because he makes sure I know it once he gets home and he's all mine for the rest of the day :)
I will admit, some of my less than good grades this year could've been prevented had I spent less time blogging and more time studying.
That's why this school year I'm instating a new policy for myself:
NO COMPUTER UNTIL ALL HW IS DONE!!
Wish me luck!
I've been really involved in various internet sites and communities for years and I think I constantly struggle with this topic. On one hand, I usually turn to the internet when I'm really lonely and having a difficult time. I seek friendship and community. But when things are good, I realize I need to get out and be living and seeing friends & family. That comes first to me. And yet, at the same time, I have over the years made tons of friends and felt a sense of community and I don't want to abandon it when I'm fine so I try to at least keep informed even if I can't be actively commenting at Livejournal or on the blogs so that I'm there for anyone who needs me.
It's interesting that you posted this because just last week I was thinking a lot about the same thing and so I decided to take a day "off". I didn't even turn on my computer for all of Sunday. It was really wonderful and made me spend time on myself reading and spend time with my family. I think I'm going to try to do this from now on.
I'm glad you know to keep the Tedward first while still caring about all your online friends. Balance is key and your family should come first.
my family is always put first, and to me you do put Ted first. We all see how much you love him. I don't know how you balance everything cuz I definately don't do all of that nor would I want to. Just know you don't have to follow,read, or comment on my blog. I don't get offended in any way if you don't. I just like to read yours.
its so easy to get wrapped up in the internet. and now its right there on our phones too. sometimes i do find myself doing that, and i log off and know that the internet can wait. my kids will only be 3 and 4 TODAY! Balancing time is hard...but i've learned that if i can go to bed at night feeling no regrets for the day i just had then my balancing act worked out just fine! love ya lar!
Balancing is always tough, but I think it's something we all learn a little at a time.
I will not sacrifice my family in order to "chill" with my internet friends AT ALL. If I have time, I get on the computer and see what others are doing--whenever I can squeeze a moment here or there. Fortunately, it's getting easier, since so few are blogging these days.
Frankly, I don't know how you do it all. Bloggers cannot EVER come before Ted!!!! See right now, Allan's on the phone, so it's easy for me to get on the computer, but if he wants or needs me, it's a different story. (I know you know that doesn't mean he snaps his fingers and I come running ; )
1. nope! if so... then priorities should be slapped in that person's face.
2. no, that's impossible with kids.
3. family first... not a balancing act for me.
4. I would be hurt, but he never does that.
I am in awe of how much time you can dedicate to your blogs... but you're right, you never want to look back and wish you did things differently. You have a very popular blog and you may love that or feel you will let others down if you stop... I assure you, that is not the case. :)
Which reminds me, I went through this a couple of times... sheesh... have you seen my blog lately? yep, one post in months!
since i moved to college, the internet has been a big influence in my life. if i didnt have it i would have been bored and with no connection to the real world and no tv. that being said, im not married, yet!(soon!), but when im at home i'm usually using the internet in some way. lots of times its for my job to get great ideas for school. it doesn't really interfere with my fiance but when we get married it may have to be shortened. not that thats a bad thing, i'll be wanting to spend more time with him anyways!
I most likely get on my laptop too often, but I find that checking my email several times a day while my 2 little boys are napping or watching a movie & refreshing my Google Reader quickly makes it so I never have to really sit & waist time online. I guess me only getting a small fraction of the bazillion comments you get on a blog post makes it quicker too. Google Reader made blogging easier & faster for me... I'm still able to lurk & comment quicker with just a click.
1 kiddo is so easy, but 2 keeps a momma SUPER busy. Wish I had more time in a day, but I guess that is why I stay up pretty late, the best time for "Me time"
Oh jeez. My 3 year old just asked me what I was "bogging"... crap.
I was spending WAY too much time on teh internets, so I cut back, and now post just once a week. I comment to everyone who comments to me...but it might take me a couple weeks to get there! Balance is everything! :)
I usually blog when I am at work so it doesn't interfere with me and my bf..
I sometimes go on when I am at home but only if hes playin xbox or entertaining himself.
other than that, when im at home or if it is my day off it is focused on him.
I spend too much time on the computer in the summer but during the school year I try to limit my time so I can be there for my son when he gets home from school. That means I had better have my housework and shopping done and squeeze in that ME time too...all before 2:15 pm! I try to check blogs only every other day and be off the computer in 30 minutes...HARD!
I cannot imagine that you could comment on everyone's blog who comments on yours! You are so thoughtful but really, Ted is way more important. So cut back if you need to and I will be extremely pleased and impressed when you leave a comment once-in-awhile on mine. I'll almost always give you a comment...I only have about ten people who comment on mine regularly & I answer them. I know there are more who read it in my family but they don't comment and that's OK. I mainly blog to keep a record of thoughts and activities anyway! I could never be as entertaining and inspirational as you!
Lauren, this post made me feel extremely guilty. Now before you start feeling sad, let me explain. I have been married for 5 months, and got pregnant at 2, and while it was planned it has changed our lives dramatically. I have been so sick/tired that I have been a shell of who I used to be. I feel guilty because I WANT to be a better wife/person like you, but I don't have the energy. I look up to you for how much you accompish every single day. And I have nothing to do all day every day, and spend way too much time online. But my husband is gone from 8 in the morning to 10:30 at night so I guess I'm not on when he's around. Still though, this post made me really stop and think about what is important. My husband, primary calling, family, house, and overall sanity need a little more attention. So thank you for making me see that. :)
The hubbs will be here any minute. better get off now :)
1. My hubby has an addiction to gaming so it's the other way around.
2. Yes; I have to do certain things before I play on the computer.
3. I give myself so much time to do the things I want to. When the time is up,I leave my desk.
4. Frequently.
i'll admit. i probably spend too much time on the internet. its honestly hard to keep up with all your favorite blogs in a short amount of time! but i think it is SOO important to spend time with chad. and he'll let me know when he's feeling neglected! haha so i do have to put myself in check. a lot.
id rather be a good wife than a good blogger.
Sei and I went thru the same thing. That's why I'm always behind commenting on blogs. It's not a top priority anymore.
It's so hard to balance everything! HOW DO YOU BALANCE ALL OF THAT AND STAY SANE? It's something I will work on the rest of my life. I would love any suggestions. I'm more on the lazy side and get stressed easily so it feels like a no win situation sometimes.
p.s. Husband is top priority! Blogging is sometimes addicting for me or if I'm bored I will google random stuff for hours so I have to keep a TIMER!!!
First, youre amazing. To see your list of your day to day activities, responsibilities, and jobs I read in awe. If you have some tips on HOW you manage to fit all of that into your days Id love to hear, because I find myself, like you, having so many interests and so many different things I want to be doing, but I feel so overwhelmed and I cant fit in nearly as much as you do. So please tell me your secret!! Haha. I love that you balance everything so beautifully between family, love, jobs, hobbies, faith, and managing to always put in some creativity and you time. :)
I used to spend a lot of time on the internet because I did a lot of projects that needed me to be in the internet, and I would get caught up in internet friends, emails, etc that I would lose important time with family. I was young. But it soon hit me, that yes my friendships in the internet world that we create through blogs and other projects, they do bring us happiness, and joy, and they are wonderful to have BUT nothing can compare to the family right there in your real every day life that was there from the beginning. I realized that having a movie night with my parents, which seems small and maybe not important , was something I NEEDED, cherished, and valued. I started making sure that things didnt interfer with my family time. And believe me EVERYTHING wants to pull you away because thats life. Life tries to pull us in 500 different directions all at once. But when you realize what is most important, and you take that most important thing and make sure you have it-- life feels so much better, because your heart is in the place it really wants to be in. To this day I still cherish my family time where we make some dinner and watch movies, and laugh with eachother. It's a weekly thing. No matter how big, fun or exciting- nothing compares to that. Because I dont want to look back and WISH I spent more time with the most important people in my life, I want to look back and be thankful that I DID spend so much time.
So with that LONG ramble, your heart is with your husband. He is your top priority. And it's amazing that you made that choice- to show him that he IS the most important, that he should have to compete with a computer. You know? He loves you, and you love him and that is a blessing from God! We readers will always be here, whether you get online for 10 minutes or 4 hours haha. We are fans of your life... your life with your husband. :)
Id give suggestions if I could, but as much as this wont help I think YOU have it more figured out than most people! I mean look up at that list of yours. It's amazing. You fulfill all your hearts desires in a jam packed, filled to the brim daily life but isnt that BEAUTIFUL?! Some days you wont be able to get everything done, and thats ok. At the end of the day when you go home, you are going home to a wonderful husband and when you close your eyes to go to sleep you can be proud of yourself and and content at hw full our life is.
I know I rambled a lot but this post got me thinking!! haha Loved it!
another amazing post!! <3 it, also, i just wanted to give you props for all that stuff you do, and successfully i might add. ~cue jealousy lol jk but srsly, wow.
wow, i am so impressed with everything you do. you should write "a day in the life of lauren" post, so we can try to imagine how you fit all that in.
p.s. personally, i think lunch breaks are a beautiful thing.
I think it's very wise to make limits. I can only imagine with all the emails you get every day and all the sweet updates you do on your blogs.. that you are buussay!! Sounds like you're doing a good job balancing things. However, if you're also feeling guilty about neglecting tedward some days, my advice is neglect US!! :)
I agree. I have been known to neglect other responsibilites (BF, BF, BF) so that I can make time to mind to my blog, but it really is NOT what is important in life. Right?
PS.
I totally allow you to give up time you might be spending on my blog commenting in the future so you can be lovin on your man instead!!
FYI :)
1- No way would I be with the "net" friends before Chad. If I am on the net it's because he's watching a sci-fi show that I don't care to watch, or he's at work. My family comes first!!
2- I only post at night when Chad is busy doing something else, or at nap time in the day..
3- I have ADD so, I can't sit on the computer all day.. I have to keep MOVING! This summer has kept me SOOO busy with so many things, my blogging time has suffered, and I get sad. I like my blog friends, and I feel like I need that time for me as much as everything else. That's why I believe balance is so important.
My hubby is the love of my life, but he has this little problem - he's a closet geek that is obsessed with World of Warcraft. Totally hurts my feelings that he spends so much time on the computer. Although I will miss Lauren's Bite, family should always come first. You are doing the right thing.
I will miss Laurens Bite, but I forgive you.
I just did a blog on how busy my days are now that my kids are back to school and sports. We have so little "awake" time together these days that I'm rarely, if ever, on the internets at home.
I actually do a lot of my surfing either from work since it's soooo boring here or from my phone. I check blogs and such from work and answer personal e-mails/facebook/twitter from my phone throughout the day. Once I get home I'm in Mommy mode.
I would be hurt if My rock put anything before me...but he's good about that kind of thing, he's not into anything too much like x-box or internet games. Usually we take turns watching something the other person doesn't want to watch on TV so that we can just cuddle.
I don't have too many internet friends, but my husband and daughter always come first. I do almost all my blog-related stuff during lunch at work. Usually the only thing I do at home is e-mail myself pictures for my posts, which is why I almost never post on the weekends. I know not everyone can post during lunch and some places block blogger, but that's how I manage internet time. If my work blocked these sites, I would probably only manage to get one post a week up.
I totally understand why you shut down Lauren's Bite, and I don't think anyone could ever hold that against you. Family always comes first.
P.S. You put me to shame with everything you do in a day...amazing!
I'm really sad you had to shut down Lauren's Bite... every post was like waking up on Christmas morning, and it didn't matter that it was only every once in a while. Like Christmas morning, that made it all the more special.
But I totally understand that you can get overwhelmed with a long mental list of things to do, and that you need to put your loved ones first. You are truly inspiring.
I'm so sad that there isn't anymore Lauren's Bite, but I totally hear you on the internet sucking your life away. It's like Elder Oaks said, sometimes it's a choice between 2 good things and we need to be choosing the BEST things. Life is too short to piddle away on the internet. I've banned myself from FB games and dropped some of digital scrapbook teams because they were taking away from real life. I probably won't look back and say, "Man I wish I had played Typing Maniac more" but I will say "I wish I would have read to my 3 year old more." Peace.
Will and I sometimes just do our own thing but side by side! We sit in the living room and he plays xbox on line with his brother and I blog, twitter, and facebook. We give each other kisses and flirt bunches! We workout, eat, play, read scriptures, and attend church TOGETHER! We just set aside some time that we do our on thing...but he doesn't play games if I have nothing else to and vise versa. Also, WE clean the apartment! I do most everything, but since we both work we both clean!
ok I am no expert...but this is what works for us!
Post a Comment