the lauren diaries: recap time

i must start out by saying, i am LOVING "the vampire diaries".

it is different than the books, but it is so so so entertaining.

great cast. great music. lots of hottness. good times.

now, onto the recap... 

 

 

 

 

before the show started, i texted my friend Lula! requesting that if there were any shirtless scenes of Paul Wesley (stefan), to let me know, so i could properly prepare myself for correct breathing during that scene.

 

 

sure enough...the first scene:

 

 it was if the tv gods could hear my internal pleas!

let's take a moment to discuss the tattoo on his right shoulder.

um.hi that is hawt. stefan wins!

 

 

 

i am pretty sure elena's expression sums up how all of the women in the world were thinking after the tattoo-shot, because we ALL KNOW she was thinking of the hottness that is stefan, right huuuuur.

 

 

 

 so, after "making eyes" at each other during history class, they ran into the hall to talk about what was burning on their minds...

 books...obvi! what else would they be thinking about while making "bedroom eyes" at each other during class? "wuthering heights" was the only thing they could think about! duhspice!

 

 

so stefan offers her his copy of "wuthering heights"...

 and she goes, "stefan...this is a first edition...and signed by emily bronte, herself. it must be like...200 years old...how do you have..."

 

 

 *musical laughs* "oh elena...you stupid, high school girl. you have no diea what you are talking about. take the book and stop questioning me." (uses mind-influencing-powers)

 

 

 "are you trying to distract me? because if you are, just show me your abs again. oh waaaait...whhhat? no but seriously, did you used to throw back with emily bronte?"

 

*crickets chirp*

"wanna see my abs?"

 

 

 

 

meanwhile, elena's "brother" the druggie, and too-hott-to-be-tyler have a calm debate on who horse-faced girl thinks is the hottest. "brother" thinks he is the hottest, obvi.

 

 

and hott tyler was like, "oh no you di'hint!"

 

 

and all the while, stefan is sitting nearby, listening in...

 

and he was like, "um. srsly? are they kidding? i am the hottest. look at my abs. and my tattoo. the ladies love the tat. this debate needs to be stopped." 

 

 

 

 

and while this is happening, elena and "brother's" aunt is having a parent-teacher conference with their joust-of-a-history teacher...

mr. tanner obviously thinks the backless dress she chose for the meeting, was highly inappropriate. he said, "you piece of skank-trash. that outfit is completely inappropriate for a parent teach conference. however, it is appropriate for me..."

 

"ew. sick. gross."

"ok. how much?"

 

 

"one million dollars"

 

"hm. deal"

 

 

 

 

all the while, stefan is on his trek to the hospital to visit horse-faced Vicki. 

 

and stefan uses his special mind influences to say...

 

"stefan salvatore is the hottest piece to ever walk the planet. stefan salvatore is "the hottness"."

 

and horse-faced vicki said, "stefan salvatore has hot abs. whose tyler?"

 and stefan is satisfied. mission accomplished.

 

 

 

later, elena rudely shows up at stefan's house without calling. who does she think she is? geez! and then just walking right in. without permission.

 

 

and to her surprise she runs into Damon...

 

and elena goes... 

"guuuuh...stefan, why is Boone from LOST in your house? he is dead. and oh so pretty...o hai boone!"

 

 

and stefan goes...

 

 "his name is damon, and i hate his face. that's it...he has to die. no girl of mine calls any other man "pretty". your going down boone...i mean, damon."

 

 

and then he killed his brother. aint no thing.

 

 

 i don't want to talk about this part in the show, i just want to show something.

paul wesley looks EXACTLY how i imagined book edward to look like. like...it pains me that he goes by the name of stefan. srsly. 

 

 

anyway...moving on...

 

 

 horse-faced vicki took some major pills, and was tripping out in the bathroom. she couldn't figure out why she was scared. it was either because she JUST figured out she looked like a horse or...

 

........

 

 

 yeah. that.

 

 

 

so, everyone is freaking out because they can't find the horsey girl. not quite sure why they were freaking out...seemed like the perfect time to purge the small town of it's horse-faced girl/druggie/skank. but, whatev.

 

 

 

since stefan has hot abs, he goes off and tries to find her.

 

 and when he finds her with damon (oh yah...i lied, he didn't kill him), he goes, "put the horse down".

 

 and damon goes, "but little brother...i brought you a tasty snack!"

 

 

and stefan goes...

"are you kidding? you KNOW i stick to a strict diet of larabars and 12 dozen raw eggs gulped down before and after a work out! i MUST.NOT.DEVIATE.FROM.THE.FOOD.PLAN."

 

 

and damon goes...

"you ALWAYS deny my gifts! you WILL eat it now...or i will have a boo-boo in my dead, cold heart!"

 

 

and stefan goes...

"but don't you know i have had diarheaz since easterz!?!!!!?!"

 

 

and damon goes...

"you sicken me."

 

 

 

 and then other crap happens that i don't care about...

 

 

 

let's discuss how much i love that stefan is THE MAN...

 

 

and kisses elena like it's no ones bidness...

 

yeah...i swooned. i swooned, ya'll.

 

 

but then the swooning stopped abruptly...

damon's face will forever scare the diarheaz outta me.

 

 

 

i miss you boone.