the lauren diaries: recap

mmmkay, so i watched the premiere of "the vampire diaries" last night...

and since i am such a loving blogger, i will do a recap for you...

 

 

 

 

so, this is elena...

apparently she is a brunette. i guess i missed the part in the books where they said she was a brunette. you know...amongst all the talk of her  about her blond hair.. but whatev. her hair is shiny...oooo, shiny!

 

 

 

this is stefan...

o hai stefan. i like you. and our children would be lovely. oh wait...you are in love with elena. awesome.

you are new in town and are mysterious. DUHSPICE. and elena likes your leather jackets and tight jeans. obvi.  but there is something about you...she thinks she has seen you before. you just look so much like...

 

oh got it.

the pale, hawt vampire on twilight.

wait...he reminds me of a vampire?

 

 

this is Bonnie...

apparently she is a "sistah" and apparently they combined the book characters Bonnie and Meredith into one person. cool. i guess.

 Bonnie can see the future by touching a beer bottle. duh! can't you?

 

 

 

these are some humans...

matt (the blond one) looks EXACTLY how matt looked in my head...you know, almost identical to twilight's "mike". awesome. and tyler (the brunette) is too hott to be tyler. i wanted him to look more like a joust. not a hott-spice individual. but anyway...mike dated elena, but they just recently broke up...probably because he looked like "mike" from twilight. he still loves elena.

 

 

 

this is elena's "brother"...

i only put "brother" in quotes, because apparently they decided to forget that elena has a baby sister, and instead give her a brother who loves him some weed...and beer. he probably uses the bottles to see the future, like Bonnie.

 

 

 

and stefan is like, "you like weed?"

 

 

 

and "brother" goes, "yes...it's like a drug to me."

 

 

 

wanna know what else is delicious to "brother"? the horse-faced girl named Vicki. they like to "special hug"...which is totally made up just because the CW likes to throw around that kinda stuff.

"brother" is upset because Vicki doesn't want to "special hug" with him anymore...she just wants to "special hug" with tyler...the too hott guy.

"brother" is sad. better go find him his magical power beer bottle...

 

 

 

o hai. i forgot to mention elena likes to write in her journal at the cemetery.

because that is normal, and stuff...

and a crow likes to freak her out...along with some very fake looking fog.

and guess who is randomly at the cemetery, since it is normal to hang there....

 

o haaaai stefan.

you are looking rather makey outey this evening...

while stefan and elena flirt, he asks if she is injured because duh...he probably had a beer bottle with him and could predict the future.

sure enough, elena pulls up her pant leg to reveal a huge bleeding gash.

the beer bottle worked!..or did it?

stefan disappears! dun dun duuuuuunnn 

 

 

later stefan shows up at elena's house, and for some reason he just stands awkwardly on the door step without coming inside.

she thinks he is weird. but he is hot. so all is forgiven.

good thing he happened to show up! elena wants him to go to a party with her to rub his hotness in human-matt's face!

oooo...teen drama.

 

while they were flirting on the edge of the forest, something just felt so familiar about the scenario...

for some reason she felt like stefan was going to say...

 

"say it...say it out loud!" 

 

 

why did stefan remind her of the pale, hawt twilight vampire?

why did his eyes turn red when they were talking about being "passionate"?

why did he run away after his eyes turned red?

was it because of "the fluorescents"? because there are no "fluorescents in the forest".

elena decides stefan is weird. but he is hot. so all is forgiven.

obvi!

 

 

while stefan is away, being weird...they find "horse-faced Vicki" was attacked!

looks like it was "an animal attack!"

elena realizes she must watch "twilight" immediately when she gets home, for some serious analysis.

 

and stefan is like, "what the? don't look at me!...look at my random, mysterious, brother damon!"

 

 this is damon...

o haaaaaai. it's boone from LOST! why are you stefan's brother?

why do you have weird hair? why are you randomly in town?

and whhhhhy is stefan blaming Vicki's attack on you?

damon wonders the same thing, he says,

"don't look at me! it's this guy's fault!"

 

 

you know what...i think he might be right.

 

 

and stefan and elena were like, "yah...that guy does look pretty guilty. i mean, he has his colla' popped like a straight up wigga'!"

 

excellent consensus.

 

and then they made out after elena invited stefan into her house.

 

 

actually, i have no idea, since the cable cut out.

 

 

until next time.