the lauren diaries: "you're undead to me"

um. last night's episode may have been the best thing ever.

i will highlight the best and most important parts for you, since i rule. obvi!

1. stefan has damon locked in the basement, drugged with vervain.

...and stefan has no plans on releasing him any time soon.

soonest? 50 years from now for "re-evaluation". yes. he said that.

and i may have loved him more for it.

2. elena finds a horse in her bathroom early in the morning...

and horseface goes, "oh hai. just brushing my huge teeth. aint no thing."

and elena goes, "um. why are you here? oh...sick. eww....WAIT. is that my toothbrush you are using to scrub your huge teeth?!"

"no, srsly...is that my toothbrush?"

*cricket's chirp*

3. bonnie is obsessed with candles these days...check it:

srsly. thurr is a whack-a-doo up in hurrrr.

4. stefan has been late for dates with elena, lately...

"i'm sorry i was late, elena. i had something i needed to do..."

and elena was all, "what was so important that you couldn't even take a moment to call me to tell me you would be an hour late?"

"i had to steam my collar so it would stay popped up."

"it was of utter importance to my overall look of hottness. i hope you can understand that."

and elena was all, "oh silly! why didn't you just say so! now. let's make out."

but they couldn't make out because some old dude comes up and goes, "i knnnnnnow you. you haven't aged a day. that's impossible!" and yabbered on about how it wasn't fair stefan's abs were still chisled when his were saggy and sicknast.

and stefan was like, "you are old. and crazy. and saggy. please don't stand next to me....PS, elena, don't listen to him."

and elena was like, "what the fudge?...*crickets chiiiirp*."

5. stefan makes everyone on the face of the planet swoon...

so elena comes downstairs to find a hott man in her kitchen...

and she is like, "whaaa? you cook?"

and stefan was like, "uh. look at me. i am stefanfreakinsalvatorewiththehottabs."

and she was like, "are you cooking chicken parmesean? cuz that's hot"

and stefan was all, "of course it is. want me to hand feed you dark chocolate and croon some sinatra at you as well?"

and my bff lula goes, "stefan can alfredo my fettuccini anytime."

*BOW-CHICKA-BOW-WOW!* shhhhwing!

and elena goes, "you.me.making.out.NOW."

and stefan goes, "yes.ma'am."

and stefan is thinking to himself, "yep. i WIN at this game. aint no thing"

and we, the audience, die because he is smiling...swoon!

6. we find out stefan wins at life, in general.

so, they talk and we find out that stefan loves:

1. "The Great Gatsby" --->only the best book of all time.

2. Jimi Hendrix ---> he pwns! edward! (since edward hates the 60s and 70s and that is his most tragic flaw ever. still mad at him about that)

3. "I love Lucy" and "Seinfeld" ---> he.rules.

4. making out with elena. obvi!

and while they are talking, elena cuts her finger!...

and stefan vamps out...obvi!

and elena is like, "stefan? are you aight? your face looks weird..."

and he is like, "what? that's not a very nice thing to say about someone's face. here, look at these...."

and elena goes, "...."

7. stefan and elena are "the cuteness"...

like srsly...look at that. us girls were swooning.

sigh...darling.

oh wait...you see that insiginificant blond dude observing in the background?

oh that's just matt (elena's ex boyfriend).

and he goes, "shoooooooooot. i am so much buffer and hotter than stefan"

and bonnie goes, "....."

8. one word: tricep

srsly, that is all i had to say about this picture. kthanxbye!

9. Bonnie now likes to set cars on fire. no big deal.

and stefan stops her...

and he goes, "what the heck were you thinking?"

and she says in a trance, "stefan's abs. stefan's abs are the hottness.."

and he was like, "whaaaa? wait srsly?"

"....wait. no, ok. that makes sense."

10. "neeeigh"

that's all. carry on.

11. elena does some research because that old man seemed legit. obvi!

the old crazy saggy man told her he remembered stefan from june 1953. he was very adamant that it was JUNE 1953...and don't forget it!

she does a little via-internet-searchin'-it-up...you know...bella style!

and she finds a news clip from JUNE 1953!..wait...who is that?

DUN...

DUNNNNNNN....

DDDDDDUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNN....

and elena goes, "crap! my hot boyfriend is an old man!"

"sicknast!"

12. elena runs over to stefan's house to demand some answers...

she goes, "WHAT ARE YOU?!"

and he goes, "uhh.........oh i know!"

"wanna see my abs?"

so what did everyone think of last night's epi?

me, sierra and connie were practically yelling at the TV after that huge cliff hanger.

what do you think will happen next week?

ready...set....go!

edited to add:

AND...congrats to Lindsay! Dano won round two of the HHC :)