you will like this.

So...I bruise easily. It ain't no thang.
I usually don't know where my bruises come from, and I am ok with that.
"No blood, no foul"...that's what I always say...NOT.
Anyway...sometimes I birth a bruise and I know exactly where the conceivement took place.
Well folks...I am going to tell you about one them times...

So, a couple weeks ago, I accompanied "The Tedward" to the temple to witness the wedding of one of his BFFsForever. Yes, guys have BFFsForever. It's quite adorable....you know...when they play "Risk" for 5 hours (literally) and fart and bother me while I am trying to do important things like...post. Yeah...it's adorable...NOT. Anywhoooozle, we were waiting in the lobby for the wedding to start. You know...just chillaxin' and worrying whether my tummy grumbles would be heard during the quiet wedding. Ted spent this time "talking at me"...which is incredibly different than "talking to me" (because I wasn't listening due to the fact that I was formulating a plan as to how I would hide my herculean tummy grumbles. Priorities people, PRIORITIES!). After about 5 minutes, I found myself leaning against one of the lobby walls in sheer boredom and devastating hunger.

The next thing I knew...

I was squished between the wall and a ginormous door with the wind freakin knocked out of me! It didn't stop there...whoever was behind the ginormous door, obviously was senile enough (temple workers are oldspice...and not the cologne kind) to not understand why the door wasn't closing all the way, and to be able to hear me squeak out "ted! tell the woman I will kick her in the face if she doesn't stop trying to kill me!". Don't worry, she kept pushing and pushing and PUSHING to try to get that door to lay flat against the door because Dang Nabbit! it wasn't closing! All the while Ted is laughing. And I am dying. And I am like, "ted, tell my mom I am sorry I wasn't able to live long enough to birth her grandchildren..PS, you aren't allowed to remarry. kthanxbye."

So, I bet you all are wondering how I survived.
I didn't. This is the ghost of Lauren's past.
Who seems to know how to use a compy.
That's cool.

But srsly...afterThe Little Old Lady who lives in a shoe works in the temple finally found a dead human behind the door, she gave the best exclamation of all time, a quiet, "Oh" and walked on...probably with a walker, no doubt. I wouldn't know, because I was dead.

You know how it is.

So where does that leave me? Oh ya know...with a bruise the size of both of Dolly Parton's "natural" b00bs. Yeah. It's big alright.

The End.

PS...if you want to see what celebrities I look like, go to this awesome post...and COMMENT!

PSS...if you are wanting to come to the blog get-together, email me. It will be easier. Go here: busybeelaurenblog@gmail.com if you want an invite. And trust me...that is the ONLY way you will find out about the awesome location and time :)

teh week{end}

I have been ♥-ing on the weekends lately.
You know what else I have been loving on?
Letting my hair go all natch-errr-AL.

I read in Glamour this week, to just "embrace your waves" if you have them.
So I have been letting my hair air dry...
Then when it is dry I add a tiny bit of mousse on the under side...
And then I sleep on it.
Then I get this in the morning:

So I have been stylin' this hair do all weekend.
Ted thinks it is babalicious....
(Your mom is babalicious.)

Anywho...on Saturday morning The Tedward and I spent a few hours cleaning "The Nest"...
We even busted out our cute name-towels :)
Ted made fun of the brown towels....
Here is a direct quote from The Tedward:
"Are those brown towels just to wipe your butt dry with?"
ME: *facepalm!*

After all of our hard work, we decided to scurry on down to Paradise Bakery for lunchy lunch.
I had been given a gift card for Administrative Assistant Appreciation Day of Awesomeness...
So we planned on using that to pay for the deliciousness.
Well, we got up to the cash register and their card machine wasn't working...
So they told us that the meal was on them!
How freakin bomb dot com is that?!
Love them long time.

Speaking of food...
You remember how last Sunday I made something awesome for us to eat after church?
Well, this week I made us "BATS" as opposed to "BLTS".
You see...we ate BACON.AVOCADO.TOMATO.SANDWICHES...on whole wheat pita bread.
Yeeeeeah Man :)
Yep. I think Ted only married me for my cooking skillz.
And my ghetto booty.
And maybe my money charm.

Look how cute Fabric Hootie looks on our laundry room door!
Too bad The Tedward slammed the door so hard that he "flew" off...
And his eyes fell out.
True Story.
Sad times...we didn't even have any milk to put the eyes in.
Remember that story? Go here.

I was feeling pretty creative this weekend, so I busted out some vintage frames I have been accumulating for quite some time.
I think I spent a total of 4 dollars on the whole lot of them.
Yeah. I am cool. THE END.
Anywho...I sanded them while watching "Seven Pounds" with Ted.
Then we cried because it was so freakin' sad.
Don't see it.
Watch High School Musical 3 instead.
Hi, Zac Efron.

Then I spray painted them funk-a-licious colors....
Because I am cool. THE END.
Anyway...I need some cut glass so I can frame this vintage sheet music, inside :)
Holla! at my sausage toes...

This is my favy-fav frame.
Isn't it darling?
I can't wait to show you what will go inside....

On to another project...
So, I was pretty bored with this side of our entertainment center.
It was pretty lamespice.
So I had some inspiration....

And created this :)
I am in love with it.
I love the funky-freshly-painted frame in the back.
It ties everything together nicely.
I love the yellowed flowers...they have a charming feel.

I just added some flowers to the plant I already had...
It's all about reuse people.
NEVER throw something out!
Try to think of how you can adapt it to your style...
It's amazing the things you can think up...
Oh...by the way....I ♥ the feathers in the arrangement :)

Look at these darling metal birds my mom bought me for Easter...
Mom, they have a perfect new home at the bottom on the floral arrangement :)

.THE END.

i am alive.

Remember me?
Yeah..I am not dead.
I know...I am surprised me-self.
I'm pretty much still alive and kickin'....kickin' Ted in the butt!
Bahahaha...
Lame joke...sorry.
Anyway, want to know what the heck-in-a-half I have been up to?
Didn't think so...
But too bad! You get to hear it anyway...

So here I was...
Being dead sick.
Yes...I am seriously READING that LOLcatz book.
What? You didn't know it is one of the most influential pieces of literature to grace our presence this modern day? Well...too bad for you.
I tel you what...that book HEALED me.
Yes....it has magical powers.
More so than that lamespice Neti-Pot.
(Neti Pot forgive me...I do love you and hold you to the highest esteem. Amen.)
Well...the truth of the matter is, I felt better by Monday.
So why haven't I been blogging?
I have been overwhelmed.
I have been OBLIGATED to post.
And I hated it.
My mom said something very profound...she said:
"Don't spend so much time blogging about your life that you run out of time to live it."
So...this week I didn't comment on ANY blogs.
I didn't post on my blogs.
And you know what?
It was beautiful.
Here are all the things I did while not blogging....

1. Met friends!
Here I am with "Moon" (in the middle) from a popular site called Letters to Twilight. And with the beautiful Malia (on the right) who not only conducts my "Discussion Wednesdays" on Lauren's Bite...but has the cutest blog ever. In true Mesa fashion, we ate at Costa Vida. Holla!

Our Pocket Edwards even got to meet!
They were a little confused...
"Errr...your pea coat looks a bit...familiar?"

2. Gave Ted more attention...
Here I am "softing" his hair. He was a happy camper. And I was bored.
Are we all happy the curls are back? Umm...yeah.

3. Developed a new lunch meal.
I whipped up some chicken salad and made a wrap with a bunch of yummies.
Avocado, tomato, lettuce, provolone, chicken salad, pine nuts, pesto, ricotta.
Sunday leisurely lunches are the best...

4. Wore the headband Ted picked out.
Yes...my husband is a genius.
Look at the headband he picked out for me for Easterz.
Umm..hi. I am in love.
So I decided to style my hair so I could wear it :)

5. Put a roachy on Ted's face while he was sleeping.

Turns out he wasn't asleep.

6. Finally after 7 months I bought a curtain rod and hung this bad boys.
And I am dying from cuteness overload.
Srsly.

7. Tried out a new sushi/teriyaki place.
And it was delicious.
Go to Riverview Shopping Center and look for "Yogi's Teriyaki and Roll"
You will love me if you do.
Plus...I approve of the decor.

8. Appreciated the cuteness of this cupcake.
Mom..you are a cupcake frosting superstar.

9. Loved us.
Srsly...I am in love with us.

10. Ate Taco Bell and loved every bite.
I don't care if it isn't real Mexican food.
It is good fake crap.
And I loves it.
Baja Chalupa? "Get in my belly!"

11. Had a half day of work!
And I rejoiced!
Really I did.
I said, "Hallelujah!" as I got in my car.
And it was beautiful.
Then I realized it was super hot outside.
And my praises turned sour.

12. Went to Hunter & Clarissa's wedding!
They are super cute.
And I saw Kasey going in to get married as we were leaving.
Yay Hunter/Clarissa...and Kasey/Kasey's Hubby!

13. Put our Ghetto roots to good use.
Ted and I hope to star in a Nelly music video some day.
Preferably before I turn 28 and become middle aged.
Kthanxbye.

14. Made these by hand.
Don't worry...I free handed this bird and branch...

and this little hootie.
I cut out the fabric and attached it to more fabric with wonder-under.
I am pretty much in love with them.

15. Spotted a few silver Volvos.
This one was across the street from my mom's house as I was working out.
I am pretty much positive Edward was just:
(1) Hatin' on my license plate because he didn't get it first.
(2) Just checkin' that I was keeping my promise to "Be Safe".
Aint no thang.

16. Saw friends at Hunter/Clarissa's reception...as I was looking like a skuz dog.
I hate myself right now because of this picture.
Please don't be afraid.

With Hunter and Clarissa.
Cute! (not me)

17. Decorated their car.
I did not write B00bs.
But I may or may not have written "Return with B0n3r"
I know...I am scandalous.
Don't hate.
Ted told me to write it.
Only because Ty wrote it on our car.
the end.

18. Got a little creative.
My mom is awesome...so she made me both of these pillows.
But I thought I would add a little somethin'-somethin' on the polka dot one...
So I sewed on a red flower...
And it is fab.
The end.

Aww...I have missed this blog.
I will be back regularly now :)
kthanxbye!

yeah...i am sick.

"The Tedward" was sick this passed weekend...and i felt so bad for him and stuff.

I tried to take care of him the best I could...

But when your guy has a piece of toilet paper that is 6 squares long...

With either end ejected into one of the nostrils...

With heavy wheezing going on...

It is hard to find the strength to want to snuggle him....youknowwhatimsayin'?

So I took care of him...and sort of neglected him.

What I am saying is, he didn't starve....he was still fed.

That was pretty much it.

Yah...I am a bad wife...geez...

You don't have to get all up in my bizness about it.

Anyway...so karma took it's course...

I am sick.

I am dying.

Even the blessed NETI POT has turned it's back on me.

Yes...I was soooo clogged in the nostril draining system, that the neti pot's magical powers were no match for the evil karma-sending germs that have taken over my poor, weak, immune system.

So...what I am saying is...here is a gayspice post for you...

Yep, gifting you with a gayspice post of not-so-mass proportions.

Your Welcome :)

1. the word swagger has been tickling my fancy.

Not like I know what a fancy is...but aparently it is a good thing to be tickled?

Anywho...I love hearing the word swagger...

Not like I knew what it meant until Wednesday night (thank you Urban Dictionary!)

But still...it is a beautiful word.

Ted told me I have "good swagga" yesterday.

That's why I love him.

And because he has good swagga too.
(the word has also been following me...check it out on KissFM's site today!)

2. made me scream and soil my pants at the same time...

At work they assign pictures to our desktops each day.

You can imagine the scene when I first layed eyes on this little baldy-creepster.
Umm...hi. Are you a cat? A hideous dog? A ferret? Voldemort, maybe?

3. the official announcement...

yep. i won. with this many votes:

46% (2347 votes)

So what does this mean? What will I do with my new found power?

Dominate the world of course.

Maybe add it to my resume?

Do you think that would impress important job people?

By the way...I love you all for voting :)

PS...if you want to chill with me and other bloggy friends in an awesome Meet-N-Greet, go here!PPS...yes, I am going to see "17 Again"...you know how much I love me some Zac Efron.

my favorite post ever....

I wrote a post that turned out to be really successful on my Twilight blog, so I had to share with you. I kinda sorta am in love with it. Which is saying something, because I don't love many of my posts. This post isn't for just Twilight lovers...this is for EVERYONE. Please, enjoy...

----------------------------------

When I first read Twilight, I didn't have many friends that had read the story. Left without someone to talk at about Edward, I turned to the internets. I found a group on Facebook called, "Because of Twilight I have unrealistic expectations in men". I joined solely because it had the most members, and I figured it would have the most up-to-date information. My assumption was right. That group is awesome, and I am in no way surprised they won the Dazzle award for "Best Facebook Group".

Anyway, I am getting off topic. *Laurenhopsbackontotopic* I have seen many males complain about Twilight because women read the series, and then expect so much more from guys or their significant other. Now, this could be a bad thing, or this could be an amazing thing to happen to our generation. I am going to touch on both...

In an effort to keep it real around here, I think it is important to distinguish between what we can actually expect from normal guys, and what is just too fictional. For example...

UN-realistic Expectations:

(1) Don't expect your guy to sparkle in the sun. Seriously, unless you are wanting to add shimmer to him (which I hope you won't, because then we can't be friends) then please come to the realization that humans don't blind people with there super-sparkly-powers.

(2) Your boyfriend cannot run across a football field 5 times, gather you wildflowers and pick up Panda Express in the time it takes for you to say "shimmy-shimmy-cocoa-puff".
(3) Your boyfriend will not snuggle you in your bed every night being content with just hand holding and nothing else. Even the most virtuous of guys would be tempted. Ask your mama...she will confirm this. Actually...if your mama knew you wanted your boyfriend to snuggle you in your bed secretly every night, you might be grounded. Don't be grounded...then you can't read my blog. Just don't let your boyfriend in your room. kthanxbye.
(4) Normal guys will not rip off the heads of other sadistic vampires {Victoria}...and surely wouldn't be able to do it as seductively as Edward did. If I ever saw my Tedward bite someone's head off in the literally sense I would be all, "Duuuude..that is sicknast!" But, since Ted isn't a vampire, and I don't have a red-headed-she-devil running after me...I think I will be fine.


(5) Your significant other probably doesn't have a short-little-sister that can see the future and help you with stock market resulting in ginormous piles of Cullen-cash. Which, in turn allows him the liberty of buying you expensive cars, wings for the school that you are applying to, yada yada yada. Let's face it...your guy is probably buying you Wendy's on the weekends. But that aint no thang...try their Homestyle Crispy Chicken sandwich...it always leaves me satisfied {that's what she said}.


(6) Regular guys don't run in, save you from a run-away-car, smash their body into and inflict zero battle wounds to their beautiful bouffant of a hair-do. Because, we all know, not messing up the hair in a catestrophic event such as that, would be a rather unrealistic expectation.


(7) If you have a snake bite...your guy is not gonna suck it out for you. I mean, let's be serious. He would be like, "Giiiiiirl, you must be trippin'. I ain't suckin' out that crap for you." *runsaway!* and of course you would be like, *facepalm!*. But, in the unlikely event that he DID suck it out for you...heaven help us, that he doesn't look like Movie Edward did...because we all know Kstew wasn't crying over the bite.(8) Your boy, can not be a space heater for you. If he is running a 108 temperature, please don't make him snuggle you...take him to the dang Emergency Room and make sure your boyfriend doesn't die. That would be nice.


Realistic Expectations...



(1) If you dig a guy who is a musician...it is completely natural for you to expect him to serenade you with either a guitar...or in Bella's case, a piano. If your guy offers musical lessons of any sort, please have him call Tedward. His services would be greatly appreciated. Kthanxbye.


(2) Opening doors is always a must. Learn to expect it. I don't care if you don't need him to open it or not. Opening doors for a woman shows respect. It shows that he cares enough to go out of his way to open it for you. Plus, if he wears an outfit like this...you can smooch his face..you know, to show gratitude for opening the door...and stuff.You know, stuff that has nothing to do with how makey-outey he may look.

(3) Your guy should be more than willing to show you off. Putting his arm around you, or holding hands in public shows others that he loves to be seen with you. Plus...if your guy looks like Edward...umm, please show him off to girls like Jessica Stanley. "They see my boyfriend...They hatin'..."
(4) Expect him to take you on dates. None of this, "uhhh, wanna just sit and chillax with my buddies tonight?" because we all know that means you will be sitting on a stinky bean bag chair, as your boyfriend chomps on cheese puffs and plays Halo 3 with his buddies. Expect him to take you out every once in a while. Oh...and when he does...don't feel inferior next to the waitress. If she has bangs like the girl in Twilight, just "accidently" nudge her a bit...knowing the weight of those bad boys, she will be top heavy and fall down and THROUGH the floor. the end.


(5) Random acts of hotness should not only be expected...but should be graciously received. Every girl deserves to be swooned. For example....

(this one is for you, Lula!)

(this one is for me)

(this one is for everyone!)

(6) When your cold...your significant other should give you his coat. No doubt about it. We learned this from Edward in Twilight when they are eating at the italian restaurant. Now, I know you can't tell from this picture, but you will need to trust me, because I have seen this movie a billion times. This is the part where Edward-freakin-hottie-face gives Bella his jacket. I am so grateful he did...because then we got to look at him get soaked in the rain. the end.
(7) And last, but certainly not least...you can expect awesome kisses from your boyfriend. If they are anything less than "amazing" on the Edward Cullen scale of awesomeness, then...well, i give you permission to dismiss him.

I hope you use this post as a guide.

The end.

What are some realistic expectations we should expect from our guys?