return of the poop...

So, last night I was texting with my friend Natalie, and she told me that she was glad she found my blog when she did because now we are friends. She told me the first post she read from Busy Bee Lauren was the one about "marriage poop". Of course when she told me this I was horrified and embarrassed. I had completely forgotten that infamous post of mass proportions. Dude, I wrote that post back when I hardly had a blog following. Back when I was fearless. Back when I said whatever I wanted, and people loved me for it...all 4 people loved me for it. haha! So today, I am reposting it, because in my opinion, it might be the most real and raw BBL post ever. Enjoy...

 

 

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today, we are gonna talk about poop.

Oh yes...I just said poop.

Isn't poop such an awesome word? I am spelling poop backwards right now, and you can't even tell the difference. Don't even try to tell me that "mom" and "dad" can do the same thing...it isn't the same.

Anyway, if you think we can't be friends anymore because I am gonna talk about poop, that's fine. Just you remember...I know you poop too. AND Oprah totally had an entire show dedicated to poop...so don't give me any crap, ok? (heehee...I just said crap.)

So, you see this boy?

Looks smart, right? Ok...maybe not in this picture. He looks kinda dorky in this picture actually. Just pretend he looks intelligent. I promise he is. Anyway, he doesn't think girls poop. I know, right? Actually, up until about 2 weeks ago, he didn't think girls farted either...with the exception of his mom and sisters. I hear they can let it out...not to mention any names, . Oh, you caught the part about "up until two weeks ago", eh? Weeeell..

You see, as I was jump-jackin' like a work out fool, a sneaky little flatulence escaped from its secrety, gassy laire. Yes. It betrayed me. Unfortunately for me...it wasn't silent and deadly (when that happens, I blame it on Ted, and he believes me). No! It was loud...and it was as boisterous as a french horn! I slowly turned my head to see if he happened to go deaf for 2 seconds...but alas! He hadn't he heard. And I was caught. He kneeeew! He knew my best kept secret. Girls fart. And not even that...HIS Lauren farts. Oh the horror of it all. After a few awkward chuckles...he said, "Did you just fart?!" and then proceeded to laugh.

It gets worse. Yesterday he found out that I poop. *sobs* It's truuuuue. A moment of carelessness, and this is what happens! You see...when we got married, we went straight to the honeymoon. I only went poop at Disneyland. Then when we got home, I decided to only poop at work. It has worked...until yesterday. I went to the bathroom before I left for work...and I guess our toilet is crappy...Ted had mentioned it doesn't flush sometimes...why did I forget that detail? Oh ya...because I never poop at home. Anyway, I flushed and ran out the door. I felt a little eerie on the way to work, knowing that the toilet has a shady history, but I chose to ignore the poop intuition.

When I got home, I found on the shopping list, Ted had added "Plunger". My heart sank...he knew. What had I done?! I rushed to the bathroom and found the brand new plunger sitting next to the untrustworthy toilet. I hung my head in shame. Ted not only found out about my needs to poop...he found out via plunger.

And that is how my deepest secrets were revealed. I now reveal them on the internet. Foolish.

That night at dinner, Ted said, "I had to buy a plunger today..."

"Yes honey, I know. I know."