i need to discuss some important matters with you, in a highly intelligent way. you might need a dictionary as a companion. srsly.
without further ado...
1. "the bieeeeebs"
it has come to my attention that the media is now comparing "the bieeeeebs" to the beatles. um. HECK NAH. i would literally kiss the ground the beatles walked on, but "the bieeeeebs"? i am pretty sure i would have to clean up after the ground he walked on. doesn't he still wear pull-ups?
i have a few issues with "the bieeeeebs":
a. he is ALWAYS a trending topic on twitter. how is this possible? how are millions of people ALWAYS talking about him? i understand that someone might be talking about him throughout the world, but MILLIONS at all times during the day? it blows my mind. no child should have that much fame. it's asking for trouble. look at lindsay lohan...she looks like she sleeps in an ashtray and bathes in whiskey. we have already seen vanessa hudgens "special friends" at least 3 times...oh wait...hold on...now 4. anyway, basically what i am getting at is, i'm hungry.
b. while i still see "the bieeeebs" as an infant in my brain, i realize and have acknowledged that he is in fact, 15. wanna know who else is almost 15? my little brother. guess who babysat my little brother, growing up? oh hai, ME. wanna know what is funny? girls my age LOVE "the bieeeeebs". i will go as far as to tell you that they swoon over him. i will even go as far as to tell you that MOMS have been reported as swooners, as well. this is wrong on so many levels. i mean, i died a little when i found out ladies in their 40s were going crazy for Taylor Lautner. it was weird, but i could understand:
but swooning over this? lauren does not understand.
should i mention again that people pass out at the sight of him? weirded out.
c. he sings about being in love, and relationships that he couldn't possibly understand. aren't boys his age supposed to still want to marry their mom? or was that what 5 year olds do? i can't remember. 5, 15...it was easy to get confused.
2. taylor swift did, what? say whaaaaat?
i heard from a very reputable source, any by reputable, i mean...tedward, that taylor swift was dating Finn from Glee. i would look up his real name, but i don't feel like clicking on my favorites to look it up on google. love me through it. anyway, when tedward told me this, i said 2 things:
a. "um. why do you even know what?"
b. "psh...i already knew that anyway. they totes went bowling a couple weeks ago. saw the pics. booo-yah!"
ted then proceeded to tell me that he heard all of the juicy details on a radio segment, "the good, the bad and the gossip"...pretty legit, if you ask me. he then proceeded to tell me that even though taylor is dating Finn from Glee, she is also, and i quote tedward, "bangin' John Mayer"...ew. and what was my response?
a. "NO SHE IS NOT!"
b. "...and don't say 'bangin'...i might quote you on the blog."
c. "no she is noooooooot! she is totally a virgin. have you seen her face?"
ted swore that it was the gospel truth, and while i still don't believe him, i have been bugged about it. i have this weird thing about sweet, young celebrities. i tend to attach them to their character, or their persona and then expect perfection from them. then when i find something out that changes that idea, my little heart is crushed. for example:
a. when i found out vanessa hudges sent pics of her "special friends" to zac efron, i said, "he doesn't want to see boobs! he hates boobs!" and tedward laughed. obviously.
b. when i saw pictures of hilary duff doing something, um...ahem...naughty...after her fiance proposed to her, i went, "NOT LIZZIE MCGUIRE!" i wanted to sick her little lizzie mcguire cartoon, after her.
c. when i saw a picture of kristen stewart tokin' it up on her porch? i was so...oh wait, i didn't care.
anyway, end of rant.
3. spontaneous combustion, like whoa.
so, when i was in th 6th grade, each week we had to listen to a recording about something really random. the only two random tapes i actually remember were about the bermuda triangle, and about spontaneous combustion. each BLEW my mind (pun intended). anyway, ever learned about spontaneous combustion, i have lived in fear. not severe fear, just mild fear. for example, static cling kinda scares the life out of me. especially if i am too close to my mom after she sprays hairspray. or if i am near someone that farted recently. i mean, you HAVE to take precautions...you could just blow up at anytime, and let's face it...that would suck.
anyway, today i told my mom and little brother about spontaneous combustion. they totally didn't believe me! i had to bust out the internet to prove my facts. people blow up, ya'll. want to know who are at the greatest risk? chain smokers, alcoholics and people with a lot of gas. i am happy to report that i am virtually safe from blowing up. so seriously stop smoking, people. i don't want you to go bursting into flames on me...or near me, actually.
