So I am walking around Sprout's picking out a healthy lunch for me to gobble up while reading my excellent book during my break. I walked the aisle looking for snacks to store in my drawer at work, and my tastebuds watered as I passed by white chocolate pretzels, tropical trail mix, Izze soda, and veggie chips. I decided to be good and picked out a veggie wrap in a whole wheat tortilla, and some fresh veggies and dip. As I approached the cashier line, I noticed that I seemed to hear a very quiet sound. A beautiful sound. A sound that was otherwordly. It was as if unicorns, gnomes and fairies were joined together in praise and were making the happiest sounds imaginable....either that, or it was Zac Efron singing. I stopped dead in my tracks. I had to find the place where the pleasant sound was coming from. I turned slowly, and saw where it was coming from immediately. It was as if the heavens opened...and everything beautiful was singing. It was a display for "Pumpkin Juice"!
Oh pumpkin juice! How I have searched for thee for many moons. How I have cried for hundreds of fortnights in agony because I couldn't guzzle you down into my belly! How I secretly hated all of those Hogwarts children for getting to have you, AND pumpkin pasties. What gluttons! *spit!* But now! It was as if it was a Hallows Eve miracle!
My eyes opened wide and I am 96% positive they started spinning like black and white squigglies, scaring a few children into pointing and telling their mommies, "look! girl. scary!" or even worse, "look mommy! windsey wohan!" But I couldn't help it! Pumpkin juice was in my grasp, and my brain couldn't compute it's beauty. Just then, a horrible thought entered my mind. Was it like one of those horrible mirages that torment thirsty vagabonds lost in the desert? No! I couldn't be! But to be sure, I quickly snatched up a pack of 6, and hurried off to the counter.
I happily stood in line, smiling like a fool, tapping my foot in a happy cadence. It was finally my turn to purchase the victuals and my beloved pumpkin juice! I could already taste it's goodness on my tongue. Of course, I had no idea what it tasted like, but while reading Harry Potter I always salivated onto my book and caused the pages to crinkle, thus ensuing anger in tedward for "ruining his book"... but it was in the name of pumpkin juice!
I smiled at the cashier, and all she said was, "show me your ID"...strange, but I was too happy to question her weird request. I popped out my driver's license and said, "It's a beautiful day, huh? I LOVE fall!" and she gives me a look of complete disgust, "uh? what?". She got to work in a store that carried pumpkin juice, isn't that the equivalent to Disneyland? How could she NOT be happy? No matter, I replied, "Fall. Isn't it just so lovely? I am excited to drink this pumpkin juice!" She goes, "Juice? This is beer, lady," in her raspy voice. She sounded like a surly pirate. I wanted to ask if she had a hook in her back pocket, but I was so distracted by her last comment. My heart sank...was I being punk'd? "Wait, what?...it's alcoholic? It says it is juice...not beer. You know, like Harry Potter? Man, I love Harry Potter, don't you?" and I playfully nudge her in the forearm. I mean, who doesn't love them some HP? And she responds, "ew. I do.not.read.Harry.Potter. *eyeroll* Do you want the beer or not, woman?" Did she just call me woman? Did she just say "ew" and Harry Potter in the same sentence? Oh this girl was going down. All I could think to say was, "I don't drink alcohol, so I won't be purchasing it. But you really don't know my boyfriend Fred Weasley? Girrrrrl...you gotta read them!" She gave me the look of death, a seriously over-dramatic eyeroll and said, "I drink beer...I don't read."
OH NO SHE DID NOT. OH NO SHE DID NOOOOOOT!
At that moment, all I could do was this: "Avada Kedavra. Have a happy day!"
The End.
