You guys. I am going there...
As a girl who was a mega Twilight fan for many years, I feel like I am justified in going there. Here is the thing...I still carry a special place in my heart for the books, and I will always reflect fondly back on the times when I lived to find out what happened next to Edward and Bella...(circa 2007, ya'll). However, when Burger King decided to paste Edward on cardboard crowns? That's when I wept for this fandom. So, when I proceed with this post, please know that I always enjoyed the books...but th movies ruined it for me. And that makes me sad. Also know that I always thought the series should only have 3 books, and the 4th one kinda gave me the heebie jeebies. Okay...and now we shall begin. If you haven't seen Breaking Dawn, please don't read this post. It contains mega spoilers.
[1] Should we start with the movie poster? Because I feel like it belongs on Awkward Family Photos. Also, whoever made this poster obviously didn't watch the movie, otherwise they would have known that Bella didn't look like a hawt mama...she looked exactly like this:
Minus the make-up, of course. I don't know why but that's all I could think of when I saw her looking like death....you know, for half the movie. I was like...um...where is the white streak, Bella?
[2] Can we talk about the wolves? Because..well...the whole theater was laughing out loud when they were "conversing"...you KNOW the scene I'm talking about. And it wasn't a "ohhh, this is so charming. look at those dang wolves...how adorable!" No. NO. It was like this, "Heh, heh...well, this is awkward. You see, I was DRAGGED to this movie. I didn't choose to come on my own free will and pay 10 dollars to feel embarrassed sitting next to you. Heh, heh." I think the exact words I turned and said to my friend was, "I want to die."
[3] Can we talk about Jacob? And how I have never ever liked him ever...EVER. But in this movie he was the only one I didn't want to smack with a wet fish?
[4] Can we talk about how Edward was wearing shorts and it made me feel weird? The moment I saw the shorts I turned to my friend and said, "SHORTS." It was like my brain couldn't compute. Still can't. I am pretty sure my friend had zero idea if I thought that the shorts were a good idea or not. Here is a new SAT prompt for 2012: Edward Cullen is to Shorts, as Jamba Juice smoothies are to mayonaise.
[5] Speaking of Edward, did anyone notice that he was in direct sunlight half of the movie and never did one fleck of glitter shimmy off his body? I mean, I COMPLETELY understand the travesty that was the sparkling in past movies. But sparkling in the sunlight? No matter how crappy the CGI is, it's kinda Twilight canon. As in, it sets Stephenie Meyer's vampires apart. It Hobby Lobby's them up. They are the Michael's and Joann's of the vampire world. If this were school they would be voted "most likely to wear an art smock"...or something or other. So, the fact that they decided to nix the glitter? I was all, "Oh heeeeeeck nah!"
[6] Was the blood stain on Bella's teeth necessary? Because that was the second time I uttered "I want to die." However, that may have been my dinner threatening to come back up that uttered it that time. But there is no way to know for sure.
[7] Remember how Carlisle was pouring the O+ (glad for the blood type detail) blood into a tumbler, and Edward all, "PULEEEAZE" and randomly pulls out a take-out cup and straw in point 2 seconds? That may have been my very favorite part in the entire movie. I started imagining what else the Cullens might have in their pantry. I was hoping maybe they had those little pink and white frosted animal cookies...because those are tasty. And the Cullens love animals!
[8] Were the back muscles on Robert Pattinson CGI'ed on? Because I was told his butt crack was edited out. So, like Disneyland, magic can happen.
[9] Jessica was the best part of the movie. I won't smack her with a wet fish, either.
[10] The chicken that Bella cooked, whilst tearing it up with the peanut butter? It deserved an "I want to die...please kill me " as well.
[11] And then they had to show me her very-real-looking-regurgitated-vomit entering the toity. I almost cut off my right foot, guys. She should have known at that very moment that only a half human half beasty would be the only thing capable of producing such hideous puke.
[12] The wedding nightmare that Bella has, made me pee my pants. Still scared for my life.
[13] Okay, I'll admit it...Bella looks hawt as a vampire.
[14] Ending thoughts: they did an AMAZING job staying true to the book. And I felt like they did a good job with the material they had. But, I will stand by the opinion that the 4th book should have never been made into a movie. While it was embarrassing to read, it was painful to watch.
All in all, I left the movie thinking about The Hunger Games trailer that I got to see on the big screen before the movie began. Please love that when Peeta came on the screen, I heard claps in the theater. CLAPS. I love this world. If a 2 minute trailer can send me into la-la-land and keep me alive through such "special" movie, well...is it March 23rd yet?
[5] Elanor looks so sweet 
[10] I am sorta obsessed with 
[12] 
