taco bell

As much as I love eating healthy, I really love me some Taco Bell. In fact, it makes me almost livid when people talk down about Taco Bell. It is straight up delicious. Yes, I realize it isn't "real mexican" but that isn't a valid argument. I have never said, "I love Taco Bell because it has great mexican." I have only said, "Taco Bell is delicious." or "Taco Bell has dang good food." Do I know exactly what goes in their concoctions? No. Have you ever seen "Never Been Kissed"? Of course you have. There is a part in the movie where Josie asks the cafeteria worker what is in the cole slaw, and he pulls up basically a trash can holding the slaw that says, "Cole Slaw: Food". That is what I think of when I eat Taco Bell. It is food, and we don't know what it is, but it's delicious, so shut up and eat it. 

Could the cheese be plastic? Maybe.

Can the food glow in the dark? Probably.

If we had a shortage on energy, could we burn the food for lasting fuel? Most definitely. And it would smell good, too.

Oh, Taco Bell...how I love thee. I love their basic bean burros (no onions), the tostada, the occasional baja chalupa, and if I am feeling particularly slovenly and disgusting, I will eat a grilled stuffed burrito. I know, gross. Up until just last week I always ordered my items with just the basic ground beef, because let's face it...it's AMAZE. But, when the cashier asked me if I wanted to "upgrade" my item to steak or chicken, I think I heard the tinkling of a fancy fork against a crystal goblet...how fancy. I decided to think outside the bun and yes, upgrade my item...because that day I was a high roller.

What did my upgraded steak baja chalupa look like? Fancy Feast. Minus the fancy...and the feast.

Turns out the tinkling of the fork against the crystal goblet was my brain's way of trying to tell me that if I upgraded my item I wouldn't be getting steak...I would be getting fancy feast. You all know the commercial with the animatron cat paw, somehow holding the fork and tinkling it against it's crystal dish. You know it. SIDENOTE: that paw is SO ridiculous...how is it even holding that fork!? And why have the humans given their cat the nicest dish in the house?! Sorry...back to Taco Bell.

Taco Bell...you are my homey. But let's be real. If you want to charge a dollar extra to have your customers "upgrade" their items, nix the fancy feast, and feed it to the feral cats that are undoubtedly prowling in the garbage behind the building. Here are some ways to upgrade items:

1. Offer a valet service for those upgrading their burritos, because sometimes parking can just be a beast.

2. Offer a free feral cat from the back of the building to those upgrading their tacos.

3. Offer an extra ginormous chalupa to those wanting to upgrade, because there can never be too much chalupa. And a free can of fancy feast for their feral cat if they upgraded their tacos as well.

Just some ideas for you to ponder. Now it's time for a bean burro...