weed cat

I think I am easily startled. 

You see, every.single.day as I am entering the freeway, I am startled by what I think is a frightened cat that is about to hop from the median, into oncoming traffic. And each day I start to swerve, and my heart rate picks up, and then at the last minute I remember that, "Oh yeah...it's that brown shrub that looks just like a cat, but is actually a weed, and scares me every dad gum day!"

Each day, while on the freeway, I ponder ways I could get to that median and cut down that ginormous weed, but I can't seem to figure out how to get there without dying. So each day, I nearly pee my pants. And each day I try to think of a remedy. I wish the remedy would be that I would remember there is a weed there and not a frightened cat, but I guess my brain doesn't work. 

Well, yesterday, as I entered the freeway, I noticed the weed cat was gone! And I swerved and almost caused an accident again...except this time it was because I was startled that my arch nemesis was missing. Dare I say it...I was sad? So now, I must remember that weed cat is gone, so I can start entering the freeway without nearly causing an accident each day. But I still wonder who the brave person was that ventured to the median without dying, and cut it down. What a brave soul. 

RIP weed cat.

Wanna hear another story? Awesome.

The other night while Ted was in the kitchen doing the dishes, and I was in the living room watching "How it's Made" (my life is so hard), I announced to Ted I had to pee. I announce when I have to pee, a lot. I am not sure why. I am sure Ted doesn't care, and would probably prefer me not telling him every time I have to relieve my waters...but it's a habit, okay?! So, as I made my way to the bathroom, and I opened the door, and was turning on the light, I found Ted sitting on the toilet, fully clothed, and I screamed. I screamed louder than I have ever screamed in my life. I held my heart like I was about to have a heart attack. And after the initial shock, and after I realized that Ted wasn't a bandit that snuck into our bathroom to attack me while I peed, I then got mad. 

"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING?! I ANNOUNCED I HAD TO PEE! WHY DID YOU SCARE ME LIKE THAT! AHHHHHHHHHH!"

I am not kidding. All of that was yelled, and I even yelled "Ah"...I thought they only did that in cartoons. But, like I said, my brain doesn't work right, and so yes...I yelled, "Ahhhhhhhh!" and even flailed my arms around like a stupid idiot. 

Ted just laughed. And said, "You said you had to pee, and I knew the toilet seat would be cold, so I went to sit on it to warm it."

And I go, "...."

the end.